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Worst Analogies

 
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Mongoose_Slayer
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Joined: 23 Feb 2002
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1582

PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2002 12:45 am    Post subject: Worst Analogies Reply with quote

Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other leaving from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth
Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Unknown

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SpeCies
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Joined: 05 Sep 2001
Location: North Carolina Guild: <TVB>
Posts: 1948

PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2002 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

good one MS
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cobra
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2002 9:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote







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Goldom
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Joined: 13 Oct 2001
Location: the earth, sadly.
Posts: 1638

PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

not an analogy per se, but reminded me of this

Quote:
Terry the Tarantula and Wendy the Wasp were frolicking and cavorting together in the Flowery Meadow, (as they were the best of friends in all the Enchanted Forest of Miggly-Wompsly) when, all of a sudden, and with no warning whatsoever, Wendy accidentally stabbed Terry with her stinger, making her very sad for she knew that soon her poison would paralyze her friend and after a while her eggs would hatch inside him, and then her happy wriggling larva would slowly eat him alive, but Terry tried to smile and would have told her not to be sad as this was how the Circle of Life was continued, but he was in too much pain and, as I mentioned before, paralyzed.


that was one of the winners in that worst writing thingy, a few years ago.
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BitterBeerFace
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Joined: 17 Jan 2002
Location: Mankato, MinneSNOWta
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2002 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He was happier than Micheal Jackson at an all boys middle school.


Ewww, I think I win
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Kjeldorian Royal Guard 42
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Joined: 30 Nov 2001
Location: Dripping Springs, TX
Posts: 5563

PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2002 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There was this player. . . He grabbed my flag so I shot him in the @rse. He was mad. Very mad. He went off like a premenstral stressed out darkw0r going threw Midol withdrawls.







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Azrael
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Joined: 21 Nov 2001
Location: Cuba, you got someting to say about dat mang!?!? Guild: TVB
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2002 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, so I have this friend who does wiretaps for the DEA, and he well, um, heard this one from one drug dealer to another. I just thought it was funny, if anyone doesn't like the language, I'll take it off, but I don't know how you'd put it in nicer terms.

"was he happy?"
"yeah, he was as happy as a fag with a bag full of assholes!"
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2002 11:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

without cling free.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I taught high school for awhile. I'll have to find some of the papers that were turned in..... haha (no names of course)
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BlackHawk_REG_1
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Posts: 118

PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2002 6:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol, where do u get these things mongoose?
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