[Bada Bing]

GENEROSITY KILLED THE CAT

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the
collection plate. This went on for weeks until the
priest, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "You
always give so generously in the collection plate," he
stated.

"Why yes," she said, "every week, my son sends me money;
and what I don't need, I give to the church."

The priest replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he
send you?"

The old lady said, "Oh, $20,000 a week."

The priest was amazed. "Your son is very successful. What
does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is a very honorable profession," the priest said.
"Where does he practice?"

The old lady replied proudly, "Well, he has one cat house
in Las Vegas and another in Reno."




Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania.
They're driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It's late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car.
Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding.
Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??"
"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him."
Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."
Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement. He notices the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:

(Don't page down unless you have a strong stomach...)










You sure you want to know?







O.K. You asked for it......
















"Master, Master!...The Hills are alive with the sound of music.
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[Mongoose_Slayer]

[JtH]

i dont get it...
_________________

[Ameanman]

[SpeCies]

I got a kick out of the 1st joke, but the 2nd ? it kind of threw me off also.

[Ameanman]

ARGH!

Umm...ever watch the Sound of Music?

[Greebo]

That was truely awful *grins*


Just for that:
There was a young vampire named mable
Whose periods where really quite stable
And every full moon
She'd get out a spoon
And drink herself under the table
_________________
Most evil admin around.
Offical Ville songwriter.
"Captain Smart Ass"

[Dahak]

lol the 2nd one is stupid :p

[Mongoose_Slayer]

[My Personal Insanity]