Umm, Did I just say that? <Adult themes> Humor

SpeCies · Last edited by SpeCies on Fri Oct 18, 2002 12:08 am; edited 1 time in total

Ever been in a casual conversation somewhere and said something to someone/or a group that made you feel like you are 3inches tall ?

I know that I have. None though as course as these below

Post your most embarrassing moment in public

1. Curl Up and Die

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and not thinking, asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

(Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX)

2. Pad, please!

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

(Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC)

3. Ho, Ho, Ho

I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and look a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and Suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror-wearing nothing but a camera.

(Name Withheld)

4. Lady Golfer

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, I think I like playing with men's balls."

(Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI)

5. Nuts about You

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and

I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

(Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD)

6. Na-na na-na na-nah!

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you

don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my

daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

(Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia)

7. Priceless

One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in along time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

SpeCies · Last edited by SpeCies on Fri Oct 18, 2002 12:10 am; edited 2 times in total

It was during X-Mas dinner at a restruant that I was working for at the time
when I 16yrs old. I was up and about then. My entire family, as well as my
girlfriend were there eating. 16yrs old, a job, a pretty girl to the left of me,
heh, you could'nt tell me shit! I knew that I was "Da Man"

So, into my
meal my stomach started churning and before you knew it I was heading
to the toilet. After my session I washed up, and then checked myself out in
the mirror and then I was off.

Here I am heading back to the table when everybody seemed to be pointing at me? I thought that they were just impressed with the "Cool Guy" in the suit. <Me> Nope it was not I that caught the eyes of my
fans

As it turned out I had a 16ft streamer of toilet paper caught in the back of my pants

I just sat there and did not say a thing after I returned back from removing the streamer........ LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greebo · Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2002 10:58 pm Post subject:

In the words of Nelson Muntz:

"HAHA!"
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Bright Red Nipples · Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2002 11:36 pm Post subject:

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God Bless You Blue Ruler

-=ITS=-GaladerieL[Vegas] · Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2002 11:39 pm Post subject:

no comment to to say in here it was so

but if u want answers just pm and i'll try and answering the question as best as i can over a pm...

DukeNukem · Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2002 12:16 am Post subject:

Number 7 is undoubtedly "Urban Legend" material, but it is still funny.

The following is also probably in that same genre:

In a college biology class the professor was covering some facts about human reproduction. During the course of the lecture he commented on the relatively high glucose content of semen. One of the female students (likely blonde) raised her hand and asked, "then why doesn't it taste sweet?" A stunned but brief silence was followed by uproarious laughter. Upon realizing what she had done the mortally embarassed woman bolted from the classroom, but not before the quick thinking professor was able to call out the following answer to the fleeing student, "That is because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue!"

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Greebo · Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2002 6:22 am Post subject:

www.snopes.com is yer page for checking out urban legends.

I did a quick check though and couldn't find it - probably because it's near impossible to verify any of them.
_________________
Most evil admin around.
Offical Ville songwriter.
"Captain Smart Ass"