[Bada Bing]

A woman goes to the doctors.
When the doctor asks what's wrong she replies
I have an orgasm everytime I sneeze.
So the Doctor ask what if anything she has been taking for this problem.
She relies:














Pepper.
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[Bada Bing]

Try this link It's a real GAS

http://www.derekgrout.com/doughboy/doughboy2/poopboy.swf
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[Bright Red Nipples]

Top 10 Dog Pet Peeves About Humans

1. Blaming your gas on me.... Not Funny
2. Yelling at me for barking. I am a dog you idiot.
3. Taking me for a walk then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick balancing food on my nose.... Stop it.
5. Yelling at me for rubbing myself on your carpet. Why did you buy carpet?
6. Getting upset when I sniff crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet...idiot
7. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not home.
8. Taking me to the vet for "The big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out everytime we go back.
9. Dog Sweaters
10. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throws. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain you nitwit.

*************************************************************

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of that sh*t in our garden."
_________________


God Bless You Blue Ruler

[Bada Bing]

Next
http://www.debsfunpages.com/swf4/boobs_hang_low.swf
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[OS]

Lol! These are so good!

Here's some of mine ( don't read the last few unless you're over 15/you don't want to hear jokes with sex in them - you've been warned! )







This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer.
The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed.
“But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

===========================================================

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

==============================================================

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"


=====================================================

This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. Taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (even the chairs of the wedding party) was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.) After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said ''F--- you !'' he then turned to the bride and said ''F--- you !'' and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said..... ''Thanks, I'm out of here.''

He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: 1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception. 2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. 3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.... Ya gotta love this guy.


( True Story )

=========================================================

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

======================================================

A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it.
A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big

=======================================================


Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!" The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay."

The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?! You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?"

Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

========================================================

man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed.

The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

=====================================================

Ten things your wife won't say..
1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.


2. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy.


3. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.


4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it.


5. God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!


6. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you..


7. Let's subscribe to Hustler.


8. Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you.


9. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!



10.That was a great fart! Do another one!


=========================================================

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile on his face.

His mom asks him, “Why was he so happy?”

Jack replies, "I just had sex today!"

Well this does not sit well with mom, she immediately begins shouting at Jack, telling him at 14 he has no business having sex! She tells him to go to his room and to wait for his dad to come home. When dad finally arrives, mom fills him in. She asks him to go upstairs and to have a chat with Jack.

He knocks on the door and proceeds to go in.

"Hey Jack, your mom tells me you had sex today?"

"Yes," replies Jack sadly.

Dad looks around the room and whispers to him, "Hey, way to go, son! Your Dad is very, very proud. But if your mom asks what we talked about just tell her it was guy stuff."

The next day, dad shares the news with all his coworkers, bragging that at the age of 14 his son is a man!

When dad goes home that night, he kisses his wife and runs straight upstairs to see Jack. "Hey Jack! Did you have sex today again, son?"

Jack replies "No dad...my ass still hurts from yesterday."

( Love that one! )

======================================================

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money to go to the whore house. His dad gives him 20 bucks and says, "Son, get it done. But one thing before you go, whatever you do, don't venture into Room 88." The kid agrees.
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."

She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."

The kid, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.

He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.

His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"

=======================================================

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"

But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."


============================================================

There are three whores sitting in a bar.
The first whore says to the other two, "I'm so good, when a guy fingers me, he can fit in three fingers."

The second whore says, "That's nothing, when a guy fingers me he can use his whole fist."

The third whore says, "That's nothing." Then she lifts up her skirt and slides right down the bar stool.






You guys like?

[Bada Bing]

here is another
Subject: New Soft Drink


Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be
available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power
beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims:
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink.
This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs
and just a good old fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new
concoction by the name of Mount And Do.
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[-=ITS=-GaladerieL[Vegas]]

and all these are funny jokes ..

[The Nanite]

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last: Two times a week,
we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food, and
companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and, electric bread maker.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the
carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

Remember,....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".......I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man
and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? Cause they want to.
_________________

[Bada Bing]

Those sounded like they came from Rodney Dangefield.
Here's another:
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz
380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.The other eight are
unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake a whole relationships."
SharonStone

"Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods


"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson


"Clintonlied.A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush
(Former US First Lady,and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)


"Ah, yes,divorce,from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams


"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal


"According to a new survey,women say they feel more comfortable
undressingin front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women.
They say that women are too judgmental,where, of course, men are just
grateful."
Robert De Niro


"There's a new medical crisis.
Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to
latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the
problem?"
Dustin Hoffman


"There's very little advice in men's magazines,because men think,I know
what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld


"Instead of getting married again,I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart


"See,the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[Bada Bing]

One more:
Betsy, a grammar-school teacher from Miami,
remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau
from one of her students...

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always
have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some
guaranteed entertainment. Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring
in pet turtles,
model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,
ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to
school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very out-going kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds
up a snapshot of an infant.

"This is Luke, my baby brother ...


and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made
him as a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's
stomach, and Luke grew
in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."


.
.
.
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in
amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'"

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. Ohhhhhhh

"She walked around the house for ... like an hour, "Oh, oh, oh!'"

Now the kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and
groaning.

"My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my
mother to lie down in bed like this."

Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed ...

like psshhheew!"

.
.
The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water
flowing away. It was too much!
.
"Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breathe, breathe. They
start counting, but they never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out
comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they said was from
the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm
sure I applauded the loudest.


.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my
camcorder ...

just in case another Erica comes along.
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[{BGS}GLOOMIE357]

LMAO JD, if that was my car with all the tickets, expect a red dot on your head! hehehe

[Bada Bing]

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm
_________________

Are you threatening me ???

[Bright Red Nipples]

Well I guess I'm just a d*ckhead. Funny stuff Bada.
_________________


God Bless You Blue Ruler

[The Nanite]

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!"

The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!"

**********

One day at a gym this big tall basketball player was taking a leak. Along came this short dwarf looks at the basketball player's balls smiles and comes back with a ladder.

He climbs the ladder starts staring at his balls and Says: "You have really nice balls"

The basket player looks at him puzzled.

Dwarf: "Can I touch them?"

The basketball player looks around and says ok.

The dwarf grabs both his nuts and then says: "Give me your wallet or I will jump of the ladder"

***********

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench, feeding the squirrels, when a man in a trenchcoat walks up to them, whips his coat open, and shows himself in all his glory.
The first old lady had a stroke.
The second old lady had a stroke.
The third old lady's arms weren't long enough to reach.

********************


A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

As they're finishing up, the bear asks the rabbit "Do you have a problem with sh*t sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit replies, "Well...no."

So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his a$$ with him.

***************

Uncle Bill comes over to Little Johnny's house and shows him his new BMW. He shows him the Automatic Climate Control, the Automatic Dimming Headights, the Built-in GPS unit. Little Johnny is quite impressed. Then Uncle Bill pops open the trunk and shows Little Johnny how it'll hold two fully outfitted golf bags.
"What're those things?", Little Johnny asks, pointing to to a couple of small objects next to the golf bags.
"Oh, those are golf tees," answers Bill, "they're for resting your balls on when you drive."
"WOW!" exclaims Little Johnny, "Those BMW people think of everything!"

**************

my favorite Scottish proverb: Red sky at night, shepherd's delight; red sky at morning, sheep are on fire.

*********************

Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were.

The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times."

And, with that, he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it."

And, with that, he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.

The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to f*ck the cat."

**************************

There was a priest who loved to golf, but as he got older he found he was having trouble carrying his own clubs. So one of the nuns agrees to be his caddy.

The two of them get to the first hole, the priest swings, hits the ball, it goes flying through the air... but misses the hole.

"Goddammit, I missed!" the priest shouts.

"You shouldn't say that," the nun warns him.

They get to the next hole, the priest swings, hits the ball, it goes flying through the air... but he misses again.

"Goddammit, I missed!"

"You shouldn't say that," the nun repeats. "One of these days he's going to strike you down with lightning."

The priest ignores her, and they go on to the next hole. He swings, hits the ball, it goes flying through the air... and he misses again.

"Goddammit, I missed!" the priest shouts. All of a sudden the sky clouds over and a bolt of lightning comes down... hits the nun.

A voice from the sky booms: "Goddammit, I missed!"

********************

A man walks into a bar and pulls a 5" tall piano and a tiny piano player out of his pocket and the tiny man begins to play a beethoven sonata. The bartender walks over to him and remarks, "Wow...that's really cool. Where did you get that?"

The man replies, "There's a geenie down the street and he's granting wishes, but be very careful what you wish for..."

The bartender says, "Yeah, yeah, careful what you wish for, it might come true...the old proverb...whatever...I QUIT!" then runs out of the bar.

2 minutes later the bartender returns to the bar amidst a tremendous roar of quacking and flapping. He goes over to the man who told him about the genie and says, "That geenie is all f'd up...I wished for a million bucks, then all of a sudden I was surrounded by more ducks than I've ever seen before in my life!"

To which the man replies, "No sh*t!!! Do you really think I'd wish for a 10" pianist?

**************************

A sailing ship laden heavily with gold is trying to cross the Atlantic, but unfortunately word of the ships's cargo leaked out among various pirates, cutthroats, and scoundrels.

One day the First Mate comes up to the Captain and says, "Sir, there's a pirate ship off the starboard bow!"

The captain says, "Get me my red shirt!" The Mate runs to the cabin and brings back the red shirt, which the captain puts on. The captain stands at the helm and calls out to all the sailors - "Prepare to be boarded! Give 'em hell!"

After an easy battle the pirates are defeated and the ship continues sailing.

The next day the First Mate comes up to the Captain and says, "Sir, there's 10 pirate ships off the starboard bow!"

The captain again says, "Get me my red shirt!" The Mate runs to the cabin and brings back the red shirt, which the captain puts on. The captain stands at the helm and calls out to all the sailors - "Prepare to be boarded! Give 'em hell!"

After an extremely hard battle the pirates are defeated and the ship continues sailing.

That night the First Mate asks the Captain about the red shirt. The Captain explains, "Well, I know that if the men saw me hurt and bleeding, they would lose heart and the pirates would defeat us. If I wear my red shirt, the men cannot see the blood and they fight on bravely." The Captain shows the First Mate the wounds he received that were hidden during battle by the red shirt.

On the third day the First Mate comes up to the Captain and says, "Sir, there's 100 pirate ships off the starboard bow!"

The Captain replies, "Bring me my red shirt and my brown pants."

*******************


A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks his drink and leaves. All the women in the bar follow him out.

One of the guys who's left is gob-smacked and goes up to the bar-tender.

"What the f*ck just happened there? I've been here all night ... and nothing."

"I have no idea, all he did was drink his drink, lick his eyebrows and leave."

***************

What do you call a buck with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a buck with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer.

What do you call a buck with no eyes, no legs, and no d*ck?

Still no f*cking eye dear.
_________________

[Bada Bing]

A Georgia Redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night,
and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity,
the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said,
"Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...
I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern...
It seems there's yet another one in there!"
cried the doctor.

The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment.
"Do you reckon it's the light that's attractin' 'em?" he asked.
_________________

Are you threatening me ???