[thewz]

What? maybe we should just skip the rytalin and get the straightjacket

[Snaggletooth]

A mushroom goes into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve food here".
The mushroom replies "Why not? I'm a Fungi."
(get it, Fungi= Fun Guy)

Okay, here's a really long one.

So this city bus driver is going to the garage to pick up his bus for the daily route. The station manager stops and tells him that his bus is in for repairs. He is then presented with his replacement bus for the day, a bus from the Sesame Street Daycare. The driver laughs, but figures it's better than not getting paid.

So he heads out on his route. The first people he picks up are two older, rather large women, both named Patty. They get on and tell the driver all about the day they have planned, but he isn't listening. The next passenger he picks up is a shady looking guy who gets on and stares at the driver. He sticks his hand out and says "Hi, I'm Ross, and I'm special." The driver thinks about how much he can't wait to finish his shift. At this point another shady guy gets on and the driver overhears him talking to Ross. His name is Lester, and he takes off his shoes and socks to pick at his bunyans.

The driver is really grossed out by this and kicks them both off the bus. He then drives right back to the station. When he arrives, the manager asks why he's back so early. He tells him about the strange passengers he had that day.

So the manager asks him "Let me get this straight, you had '2 obese Pattys, Special Ross, Lester Sleaze picking bunyans on a Sesame Street Bus?'" Exactly says the driver.


Get it? "2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" The Big Mac ingredients.

[KillerRoofcutter]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Funny!

_________________

PICKACHU GOT OWNED!

[Secret Agent Man]

here ya go hve fun

One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs 0.00." Jeff figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the 0.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the 0.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:



Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours; get a lawyer. And.....if you don't stop jerking off, Your elbow will never get better.





_________________
if you think thats a soldier behind you? think
agian, or my knife will be in your back.


aa, oshiete sensei-san

[KillerRoofcutter]

Haaaaaa funny. need to think of more jokes quick.

_________________

PICKACHU GOT OWNED!

[Cadman]

This one's for the Texas players out there.
A Longhorn(Univ of TX) came upon a TX Aggie
(TX A&M) leaning against a wall crying his
eyes out. The TX Longhorn asks the Aggie
what's wrong. The Aggie says the just
sh*t in his pants. The TX Longhorn says
"Why don't you go clean yourself up?" And the TX Aggie says, "I can't, if not through
yet!"

[PyROZen]

this one is short but it r0x0r. I heard it on 3000 Miles to Graceland.

Q: "What's the best thing about dating homeless women?"

A: "You can drop em off anywhere."



_________________

"Conc Jumping, my old nemesis..."

[Violent Pacifist]

Here's a pretty sick joke

Theres a bartender relaxing at his bar. The bar is closed for the day and he's just about to turn in for the night. Theres suddenly a knock at the back door. The bartender opens the door and tells the bum outside "Go away, we're closed!"
The bum replies "But I just want a toothpick"
So the man hands him a toothpick and shuts the door. As soon as he sits back down, theres another knock on the door. He opens the door a second time to find anotherbum standing there.
So he yells at the bum "Go away, we're closed!"
The replies the same as the first one did "But all I want is a toothpick"
So he hands him a toothpick and slams the door. After taking a few steps, theres a third knock on the door. Becoming very frustrated, he opens the door and screams at the bum standing there "GO AWAY! What is with all you bums coming here? We're CLOSED!"
The bum simply replies "But I just want a straw"
The bartender stares at the bum "The other two bums wanted toothpicks now why do you want a straw?"
The bum explains "See this girl just threw up back over there and the other bums already got all the good chunks"

[splatter]

their was a couple that had sex constantly
at least 6 times a day .
then they got married and the frequency of sex dropped to once a day and twice on special occasions.
after about 2 years it dropped to once a week and also on special occasions .
Well this trend continued to a point where they had not had sex in a year .
one day the man comes home with a present for his wife . His wife was very excited and ask him what was the occasion . He replied " theres no occasion , this is something I thought you might need". So the wife opens the package and finds 6 kittens in the box . After fawning over the kittens for a while she stops and asks " why would I need 6 kittens" to which the husband replies " those are 6 pall bearers for that dead pussy of yours"