[Kahlan Amnell]

(and what they actually mean...) found, thought to share

10. "I think of you as a brother". (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. "There's a slight difference in our ages". (You are one Jurassic geezer.)

8. "I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way". (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. "My life is too complicated right now". (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. "I've got a boyfriend" (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. "I don't date men where I work". (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. "It's not you, it's me". (It's not me, it's you.)

3. "I'm concentrating on my career". (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. "I'm celibate". (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

....and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

1. "Let's be friends". (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)
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[Kahlan Amnell]

If AOL made cars...........

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH Speedometer.
2. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
3. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
4. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
5. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
6. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights.
7. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
8. AOL car mechanics would have no experience whatsoever in car repair.
9. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
10. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
11. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
12. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
13. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder "a/s/l" ?
14. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
15. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them
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[Kahlan Amnell]

10 Things you really don't want to hear during surgery

1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness
3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
4. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
5. Y'know, there's big money in kidneys...and this guy's got two of 'em.
6. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
7. That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
8. Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
9. What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change...
10. Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
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[Kahlan Amnell]

Graduate Job Rejection Reply

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for your letter of March 14th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
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[Violent Pacifist]

Sorry baby, but you're a Mary Ann, and I need a Ginger.
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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

[Rebel_Rouser]

omg holy quad posting
need a frying pan for your spam
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Longest Running Show in Broadway History 1/9/06

[Kahlan Amnell]

hmph.. least it was in one thread
and you seen how many other ones I had.... I limited it to four, four clean ones at that, thought you would be proud lol.
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[[HALO]MasterChief]

yeah those are funny

and as for the posting, i think its ok since its a joke thread
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[The Nanite]

Heh, sleepless night sweetie?
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[JtH]

i like the aol cars and the rejection rejection letter. and yes i typed that twice for a reason.
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[The Nanite]

[Bull]

Looks like KA's got a wild hair...
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"I Cant HEAR YOU"
I am a proud member of PETA (People who Eat Tasty Animals)
AKA: I Come In Peace
and WalMart Security

"Get-r-Done"

[Warhammer]

I've always liked using this one:

"Welcome to dumpsville, population: You"
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Support wildlife. Throw a party!

[shockwave]

[Kahlan Amnell]

If Microsoft built cars

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but at least the packaging would be superb.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

11. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

12. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

13. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

14. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM

15. If you still ran old versions of car (i.e. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

16. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

17. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.

18. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.
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