Advice for You

JtH · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:06 pm Post subject: Advice for You

Well I have been dating this girl for about 4 months now and last night i made the biggest mistake i ever could have done.

Let me explain. I drove my brother home and i got a phone call from a different female friend of mine. She said she needed a ride to wal mart and i was in fact heading there as well. I went by and picked her up and we went. All good so far. We stopped back at my house and hung out for a little bit.

Well one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. It wasnt bad sex but the outcome of the "affair" is horrible. After i took her home i was stricken with guilt. Not the kind of guilt when you break something when you are 7. The kind of guilt that racks on your brain and makes you feel miserable. Due to this i got exactly no sleep last night.

I feel absolutely horrible about it, and i regret everything about it. I really care about my girlfriend and if i would've known i would've done something like that i would've never even talked to that girl.

Now everytime i talk to my girlfriend i get extreme pangs of conscience and i always think she knows and is about to say something about it. The terrible thing about it is that i never have cheated on a girlfriend in my life. Never.

Everytime i hear her voice i can feel myself screaming inside. It is absolutely horrible.

So last night during my guilty insomniac state i realized i must now make a choice. I can either tell her and risk losing her or not say a word and risk her finding out. I also realized that they always find out some way or another. So i think im going to tell her what i did and beg for her forgiveness. I would think that it would make her feel alot better to have her know i wont lie to her. It would also make me feel alot better to get it off my chest.

The moral of the story is don't ever cheat on anyone. It is an absolutely horrible thing to do and i regret every second of it.

I feel like absolute scum so i recommend to avoid my fate, dont do it.
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Jfet Zener · Server Admin Joined: 19 Feb 2003 Posts: 3353

cheating is bad. its always hard to decide whether or not to tell. i think its best if you do. hopefully she will appreciate your honesty overall. if not, well its a hard lesson learned for you. on the bright side maybe the other girl might want to start dating you. its been 2 years with my g/f and she still hasnt stopped giving me crap for what happened when we first started dating (it was a similar story). in the end, its a learning experience - and life is full of them. we are young, have much to learn, and will have many girls break our heart/vice versa. honesty, as they say, is the best policy. i wish you luck. you might want to wear a cup. never know how a girl might respond to this kind of news.

shovelnose · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 1:58 pm Post subject:

holy crap dude. i guess that explains why you didnt call me back last night.

telling her is going to be the only thing that makes it right. even if you lose her, its the right thing to do. its not fair to her otherwise.

good luck bro, call me if you need to talk.
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Rebel_Rouser · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 2:07 pm Post subject: Re: Advice for You

powdermilkman · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 3:02 pm Post subject:

Well the first step is to admit it was wrong and try to atone for your mistake which i bet if she does take you back you will be in the dog house for some time. You better be glad you aren't dating me (well besides the fact im a guy) but if i was a girl i would never take back a cheater. Having been cheated on by 3/5 of the girls ive dated it hurts worse than anything and always lives with ya. I have a zero tolerence on cheating. You cheat on me in anyway and bam your gone and i wil never even consider taking you back..but im an angry hurt person. I have trust issues and a paranoid complex even with teh girl im dating...and it doesn't help matters that she was cheated on by her last BF too...yeah paranoid couples attract for some reason. I wish you good luck in apologizing and i do hope it all works out for ya..but like i said atleast you admit it was wrong and know it was wrong...a lot of guys and girl never ever get to that simple step.

Paranoid Powder (i need shifty eyes here mulder can ya help me out)

Bull · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 3:06 pm Post subject:

Well, at least you got a conscience

Morality is at it's lowest now-a-days. Fidelity isn't easy, esp when youth
are bombarded with peer-pressure, tv shows that condone promiscuity,
and parents that expect the schools to teach their kids when it's their responsibility.

Without sounding like i'm bragging, I've had the same girl-friend now for 30 yrs (married her 29 1/2 yrs ago) and I've been loyal to her the whole time. Believe me, it's not easy to do, but when you do remain loyal, the rewards are well worth it. A CLEAN conscience is at the top of the list.

Looks like the ball's in your court, and you need to play fair if you want to have the trust you would expect from the other person.

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The Nanite · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 3:44 pm Post subject:

Don't ask don't tell. If she never finds out you got nothing to worry about. If she does lie your way out of it. Yeah yeah yeah not what everyone else was saying but it''s realiistic not idealistic.
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Kahlan Amnell · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 3:57 pm Post subject:

I kind of agree with Nanners actually.... Why would you tell her? Do you want to make yourself feel better? How is it going to affect your relationship, you did something wrong, you know it, and hopefully you won't repeat it. Telling her, imo, is just a way to get the guilt off your chest.... just my opinion.
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s.Squirrel · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:09 pm Post subject:

I’m with nanite on this one. If you say something you’re a dead man.
She will never trust you again if she finds out.
You should never have done it but you can’t take it back.
This is a valuable lesson for you grasshopper, A mistake like this in marriage can ruin your life. I’ve never cheated on my wife of fifteen years and never will but if I did I would die with that secret.
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Rebel_Rouser · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:15 pm Post subject:

no way, they have a right to know. I mean if you screw up big time like that you have to pay for your actions. If you dont say anything it just shows you have even less respect for that person and cannot be trusted.
I mean thats like a criminal stealing/shooting/raping and having the mindset "hah I got away with it and since no one knows there is nothing anyone can do about it"
I tell you what if someone cheated on me and I found out about it there would be HELL to pay. No matter what it is, if your screwed up then be prepared to pay the consiquences.
People need to stop trying to cover for their own ass and fess up to the truth and pay for what they have done.

I admire Jack for doing that, it shows he has character and is willing to take responsibility for what he has done, not try to cover it up like it never happend
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The Nanite · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:19 pm Post subject:

Rebel_Rouser · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:29 pm Post subject:

vTEC · Server Admin Joined: 15 Aug 2003 Posts: 1495

i think its up to you to decide..whatever way you choose...let it be one that you have thought it throughly
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Kahlan Amnell · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:46 pm Post subject:

Still sticking with Nanners here.

Ok, so you screwed up. You need to be able to move on and say to yourself, look, I was an ass. I did something I really regret, and I have to live with myself knowing that. You have just learned from something - a painful lesson, one that will niggle it's way into your thoughts.

Telling her does nothing. She knows, and now you want to beg her for forgiveness... and I am assuming you want her to "punish" you in some way, by not trusting you as much or what not. This is not a viable way to absolve yourself. It is like going to confession (not Catholic so I don't really know) and saying, I did this, what can I do to make it up? The answer is simple - nothing. You did wrong. Learn from it. Live your life. Confessing won't make it any better, just will lessen your guilt - and is that really fair?

The ONLY thing she gets out of this is hearing you say, I am sorry, I f***** someone else, I won't do it again. Then she starts questioning herself, is she not good enough? will he do it again? can I really trust him?.

Should she know what happened? Maybe... But is it in her best interests? Hell no. If you truly do care for the lady, something like that will just not be worth it, granted the actions should not have happened, but they did. YOU have to live with that, why do they?

whatever the reasons are for what led to what, you have to answer to yourself, not to anyone else.....
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KillerRoofcutter · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:47 pm Post subject:

go with what you think
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