[Paddyjack]

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know; take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Now get this...
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hannifin (me) and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.

I had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up.

He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863 ............

[***Keep reading, it gets better.Yes, it's also the same story..]

An old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass; there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."

I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes,"

"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while, things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!" but I didn't hang up.

The jackass said," Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

He said, "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your butt."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street.

After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

It was Glorious! Watching the two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
_________________
PJ --- ancient IDIOT with a rusty CROWBAR....
but still SWINGING!




Rock2..... JUST SAY NO!!!!!

[Blue Ruler]

Ya ah huh only in Canuckistan

Oh and PrettyJack your a jackass
_________________

[Speaker's Xeno]

there are so many things funny about that i dont know where to begin


_________________
[img]http://users.tvr-guild.org/speaker/speakersays.php[/img]

[vTEC]

aww man thats seriously messed up....funny though..lol
_________________
I am TheCheat

[Stevo]

Pretty funny story even though they could have killed each other or have been shot....

The police have helicopters there?
_________________

The Official TVR Website
Fopp
Song of the Week

[shockwave]

Does anyone recall the alien that just fly around telling that that alien hates you to every living thing in the universe in Hichhiker's Guide to the Universe?
_________________

[Mike]

that funny, u just better hope they dont figure out what happened and the cops trace your call
_________________
R.I.P. Blue

[Kjeldorian Royal Guard 42]

Yowza! Now that's original.

[shockwave]

[Kjeldorian Royal Guard 42]

Ah,

Marvin just hated everything because he was paranoid.

Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged was the alien who verbally assulted Arthur. lol
_________________
Recipient of POTM award
Creator of Warz/Ville Golf Classic
<TVB> Member/Event Coordinator/Council - Retired
=US-V= Member/Event Coordinator - Retired
<eVa> Founding Father/Leadership/Webmaster - Retired
Ville Admin - Retired

[JtH]

OMG that was so funny. i hate jackasses but they seem to multiply so im glad two of them got what they deserve.

great story.


it reminds me of the golfer on happy gilmore. "ya Jackass!"
_________________

[KillerRoofcutter]

Me: Yes is this 911

Cop: Yes

Me: I would like to report about that incident on 34th whatever street

Cop: Yea

Me: PaddyJack who is on the server cauesd all that stuff he called the cops the reporter called both the people over and over again for months and he got bored so that is why he did that.

Cop: Hey guys we got a #345 by 34th street incident

Guys in background: Sirens go off they cock the guns helicopter goes ahead.........

At PaddyJack's house: knock knock

Cops: U are underarrest JaC|{@$$

PaddyJack: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and on and on and on


The End
_________________

PICKACHU GOT OWNED!

[Stevo]

The police don't care. Why waste even more resources after he has already done so?
_________________

The Official TVR Website
Fopp
Song of the Week

[Paddyjack]

The end of the story is wrong... when the cops came they offered me an award for knocking out two jackasses
_________________
PJ --- ancient IDIOT with a rusty CROWBAR....
but still SWINGING!




Rock2..... JUST SAY NO!!!!!

[shockwave]