[John Doe]

OK, here are a couple of new ones.



Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?"

Sister Maria: "I would lift my habit, mother Superior."

Mother Superior (shocked): "And what would you do next?"

Sister Maria: "I would tell him to drop his pants."

Mother Superior: (even more shocked) "And what then?"

Sister Maria: "I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down."





A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."






A pompous preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Montana. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would also like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."






A Japanese man went to the eye doctor. The optometrist said to the man, "Sir, I believe you have a cataract." "Oh, no" replied the Japanese man. "I dwive a Rincon Continentaw."





Two blondes are walking through the forest. They come across some tracks. The first blonde said 'These must be deer tracks'. The second blonde said 'No, No, these are elk tracks!!'.

They argued until the train hit them.
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[Mr Hat]

funny stuff
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[Simpleman]

Nice LMAO

[Stevo]

Good jokes there.
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