only in america...

ROOFCUTTER · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:02 pm Post subject: only in america...

I hope this has not already been posted.

the last one and number 9 are my favorites.

1. Only in America ......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America ......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America ......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Only in America
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.......

NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.........................

Under the boat, Still Strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
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Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

John Doe · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:10 pm Post subject: Re: only in america...

Gurrg · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:10 pm Post subject:

omg that is great, thanks roof, haha there are some stupid people out there, great laughs.

handicapped parking spot for a skating rink.....heh.

here is one i noticed yesterday:

Only in America.....that across the street of a "heart surgery center" do they put a McDonalds.

i saw it yesterday after visiting my grandpa, right across the road was a McDonalds....i thought that was crazy.
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Violent Pacifist · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:43 pm Post subject:

Notice how a lot of those things happened in Cali??

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Stevo · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:53 pm Post subject:

People are so stupid!

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ROOFCUTTER · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 2:42 pm Post subject:

JD you know that could not be me

I live in southern california, we have no water!
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Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

John Doe · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 4:01 pm Post subject:

shockwave · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 7:28 pm Post subject:

Fred Astaire · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 9:19 pm Post subject:

LOL Great ROOF!
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Bright Red Nipples · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2003 10:27 pm Post subject:

sharkbyte · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2003 1:21 pm Post subject:

Very funny, roof.

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GellyRoll · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:54 pm Post subject:

haha!

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Kjeldorian Royal Guard 42 · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:04 pm Post subject:

GellyRoll · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:50 pm Post subject:

PondScum007 · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:53 pm Post subject:

well just buy 40 of each and theyll match, or jsut drop some on the floor if you dont feel like wasting money and/or getting horribly obese to make your bun/weenie counts match up heh
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