Give the midget his hammer back!

The Nanite · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 10:45 am Post subject: Give the midget his hammer back!

The title will make sense when you get to the bottom

Quantas

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the
next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Greebo · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 10:57 am Post subject:

LOL those are great!

More here: http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp (variations and suchlikes)
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Simpleman · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:02 am Post subject:

Nice Nanite

cobra · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:53 am Post subject:

great.

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PondScum007 · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 3:09 pm Post subject:

haha midget
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Fred Astaire · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 3:30 pm Post subject:

ROFL. Thanks for sharing, that stuff is really funny.
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for Blue

ROOFCUTTER · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 7:37 pm Post subject:

Lots were funny but I pick this one as my favorite

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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Mulder · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 7:52 pm Post subject:

good stuff

Fred Astaire · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 8:09 pm Post subject:

This one is better:

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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for Blue

5th GHG E.G. Mine · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 10:20 pm Post subject:

Good stuff. Thanks for the post, NaniteFog.
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sharkbyte · Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2003 7:41 am Post subject:

LMFAO. (We need an emoticon for this one.

)
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