? For single guys

Greebo · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 10:16 am Post subject:

#1 without question

Though it usually takes me a minimal 3 months (sometimes longer) before I'd figure whether or not someone felt right for me and ask them out - am not one to go "on the pull" as it's known over here.

/me grabs the soapbox from frag

For me, being in a loving relationship is just about all I desire from life. I've been out with 2 girls (see above about time taken to decide - think maybe 1 girl felt right at school, and I went out with her) - one (my first) lasted 2 1/2 years, the other just a week (Note: neither of them broke up with me because of me [least that's what they said]...one turned out to be a lesbian, the other had had a bad previous relationship and wasn't really fully recovered from the after effects). Anyhoo - both felt right, I regret neither and I remain friends with both girls.
Mind you, at the same time as not being one to sleep around I also hate being single; being single for the rest of my life would be the worst thing that could happen to me. But the reason I don't sleep around, despite hating being single, is cos I know that's not the same as being in a loving relationship.

Was having a rant recently about being single (I was rather melancholic at the time) in the livejournal (yes I have one of them - linked off my website if you're really interested) and one of my friends was wondering what all the fuss was about (afaik they've been single their entire lives), what was it about relationships that makes em so great?
To which I replied :
"It's about (and I'm probably going to be sickeningly romantic here so feel free to ignore this paragraph) having someone to cuddle, whether you're lying in bed or if you're on a sofa; about knowing the 2 of you share something really special; about making someone you love really happy; about knowing that there really is someone who properly cares about you; about having someone who you can trust... I could go on but to make it short and to the point - it's about being in love, nothing compares to that feeling."

And I maintain that to be true - a good relationship is something one should never pass up the opporunity on (but don't go diving after the first girl you see just to be ina relationship) - being in love is the best thing in the world. (stop throwing up you lot!)

As for marriage - ain't bothered either way. A relationship can be great regardless of whether or not one has signed a bit of paper, taken vows etc.
If I was with a girl for long enough and thought we'd last forever then yeah I'd probably consider marriage.

/me steps off the soapbox, sands it down to get rid of some nasty splinters, and hands it back to frag

People have always said I'd make a good father...always been slightly worried by that.
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Paddyjack · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 11:41 am Post subject:

Ok, I will clarify my thought.

I don't want to be single all my life, but I would prefer to be single and free, than to hop and go with anybody, just for the sake of getting laid or be more secure because I'm with someone.

A relationship is hard to maintain, and if your heart is half in it, you are doomed to a miserable life.

At 34, I'm 18 years into dating girls seriously, and frankly in my experience, to be able to go fishing whenever I like, to go out whenever I like, to DO whatever I like, etc, these always beat finding a girl to get laid for some times.

SO I would choose #1 anytime, however it is not easy to determine this is the real opportunity.
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GellyRoll · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 12:13 pm Post subject:

Ok i think taht guys think they just want a girlfriend until the girl is like well i wanna get married because tahts what girls like. They like to be with one person for there hole life. I think that is right why should poeple get married. Maybe its becasue your making a cometment to each other. When your just together you dont make taht comentment as much. You cheat more. When your marryed you wanna try harder because you dont wanna get devoiced because i costes money. I think that for me im not going to get married for a while, but if i find someone that i love and is true to me in everyway. I wanna make that commetment that i wont cheat and i will love him for the rest of my life.
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Ragnarok · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 5:08 pm Post subject:

Krauty · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 5:18 pm Post subject:

lol, over at work (i work for the state govt), the number of marriage certificates and divorce certificates are almost equal. with close to 500 marriages, and 470 divorces in one year so far. I'd rather choose #1 for the reasons that greebo has mentioned, plus, most of my friends left me after high school (kinda my fault cause i use to be really antisocial), so i spend all my nights alone, and i cant stand that thought to be true for the rest of my life. Divorces wouldnt be so bad money wise, unless the couple keeps going back to court or if you have a lot of money and she wants it all :X (i hate it when they do that, it means more work for me), just because they cant stop bickering and wouldnt have anything else to do other than go to court...i guess they thought option 1 was right for them...but things can change sadly enough. I think over a thousand divorces come through our office each year for our county(not including the extensions to people going back to court for the same case)
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YourPowersAreWeakOldMan · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 5:51 pm Post subject:

hoaxie · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:22 pm Post subject:

Marriage is an archaic instition thought up by the Church. A sure way to ensure that a man could protect his property. YES... his property. Also, the institution of marriage was created back when a person's life span was about 35 years.

Being in love and committed is not strengthened by being married. For some people it is the end all be all in terms of saying YES, I am committed to you. Not everyone needs that piece of paper to confirm what they feel.

It is strickly an individual choice, I think. Because really, what is the difference between living with someone for several years and then breaking up and being married for several years and then getting divorced? Not much.

Marriage is what you make it or how you see it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm rambling and it's time to eat.
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Warhammer · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:26 pm Post subject:

[Edit: Hoaxie and I posted at about the same time - Jinx!]

<SOAPBOX>
I think I've got to agree with Powers in general. As far as the institution of marriage goes, people get married for religious reasons, cultural reasons, or both. I personally am not inclined to get married due to my faith, but rather because of the permanence and commitment associated with marriage. My personal opinion is that with the "right" person, I will never feel obligated to get a piece of legal documentation to further the relationship. However, many people view getting married as a foundation which they can build a new life on, instead of the relationship and trust being that foundation.

Back to the original question, I believe it comes down to the individual's perception of what relationships really are. Have they ever known what being in love is? Do they come from a family that expresses caring and love, or were they in a situation such as divorce, abuse, or other dysfunction? If you don't know what love is, you'll never want for a long-term relationship.

On the other hand, if your personal experience with relationships are mainly negative due to the way the other person acted or treated you (due to your fault or theirs?), you're going to be biased to avoid that discomfort in favor of short term (or no term) romances.

</SOAPBOX>
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Mr.Kason Allen · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:26 pm Post subject:

After listening to all of you I have to say..........Gurrg I R sorry for calling you a man hoor.......can I join the club?

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GellyRoll · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:30 pm Post subject:

Okwhat you said is not true. I dont think you need to push your ideas on me! I wanna get married becasue i wanna be with one person. If i was the typical stereotype i would think that i have to wait for marriage for sex. I wanna get married when im old enough and reponsable enough to make that cometment. The hardest thing to do in life is having a marrage and having kids. Because i had surgeryand my mom told me that it was the hardest thing for her to do to let them take me and trust them with my life. If you dont have kids i believe that your not doing anything wroth anything in life. I believe one of the reasons god put use on this earth is because he wants us to go though hard things so we become a better person and enlight our spirtes. Look im not trying to judge what you do in your life and you dont need to do that to me. You dont have to believe in it, but i do. I dont think anything matters not school not anything you learn. I believe the best thing you can do is grow old with the person you love and raise a family. Its hard, but i think i would rather have problems then be prefect. I wanna work on my problems and be the best person i can be. Please dont try to change what i think i dont think that post was called for.
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Greebo · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:47 pm Post subject:

Um...Gelly, who was that aimed at?

Edit: While I'm here
Was thinking about why I would want to get married and as far as I could tell it boiled down to "it would be expected of me"....which is rather daft really. So I'll go back to being properly not bothered either way - can take it or leave it.
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The Nanite · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:48 pm Post subject:

I think she misundrestood something that we have hopefully made clearer for her.
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hoaxie · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:50 pm Post subject:

I think it was directed toward YPAWOM. He quoted her quite a little bit in his last post.

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Verman · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:52 pm Post subject:

Intersting observations and comments here.
Now to take it one step beyond, what do the Kilaakians do in their world?

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FragFailure · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:55 pm Post subject: