[GellyRoll]

He said ...My father used to say, "The secret to a happy family is a powerful bathroom fan." I have to admit he was right. He could evacuate the entire apartment on Sunday morning. It was almost like a religious ritual -- he'd come out of the bathroom, close the door behind him, still reading the sports pages, and Mom would wrap a towel around her face and swear into it: "Oh God, what did you do? Lord, what is that smell? Mother Mary, deliver us from this cloud of evil!"

He Said-She Said, a male-vs.-female point of view, appears weekly in Washington Sunday.


I like to think she was just preparing us for Sunday school and not simply using the Lord's name in vain. Of course, he'd just ignore her and continue cussing at the newspaper.

This particular ritual usually followed the regular Saturday night performance of Father coming home at 1 in the morning. Again, this display of piety took place in the bathroom where Father would humble himself on his knees and wrap his arms around the bowl praying out loud: "Oh God, I'm sick. Jesus, what did they put in those tamales? I swear I'll never eat at O'Reilly's again."

Mother, who did not drink, actually believed he got food poisoning once a week. She'd stand there holding the door open, a rag in one hand and a jar of Pine Sol in the other, screaming at us kids to go back to sleep. And never eat in bars.

After Mother started working, we all moved into a bigger house with two (TWO!) bathrooms. Still, neither one had ventilation, but Father designated the big one for the girls and the other for us. He awarded me the status of Permanent Latrine Orderly, (whatever that is) and laughed every time he said it. I was granted a golden toilet brush, and a can of Bon Ami cleanser, and the mission to "keep it clean and free of germs and girls." He posted The Bathroom Commandments on the wall.

1. The lid shall remain Up when not in use.

2. There will be no doilies, covers or cozies to collect dust.

3. Toilet paper shall hang down on the outside of the roll.

4. You shall have no decorations, plants, pictures or special towels in this room.

5. Thou shalt maintain an ample supply of reading material, i.e. Field & Stream, crossword puzzles and the National Enquirer.

6. Men take showers, women take baths. End of story.

7. There shall be no trash receptacle -- if you can't flush it, take it with you.

8. No bath mats! (I was instructed to lay my dirty clothes on the floor and stand on them as I toweled off. He called that "pre-soaking the laundry").

9. It is our God-given right to take as much time as we need to "do our business."

10. Do not use the rag to "Ziebart your undercarriage." Use one hand. Then one hand washes the other.

I guess my dad was right; my parents are now happily divorced.
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[img=http://img429.imageshack.us/img429/4480/sidepicture4vy.jpg]

[Mr.Kason Allen]

Rofl


We all know you copy pasted you know how?
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Over your dead body!

[Albino Gibbon]

Another "poop" post?

[sharkbyte]

[GellyRoll]

[sharkbyte]

I'm sorry, Gelly. I would never think that you are stupid.
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