Questions about Canada

Paddyjack · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:07 pm Post subject: Questions about Canada

These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)

A: You are an American politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely
handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
_________________
PJ --- ancient IDIOT with a rusty CROWBAR....
but still SWINGING!

Rock2..... JUST SAY NO!!!!!

Mongoose_Slayer · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:21 pm Post subject:

sharkbyte · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:31 pm Post subject:

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cobra · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 1:50 pm Post subject:

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)

A: You are an American politician, right?

sorry America

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PROUD TO BE A MEMBER OF =US-V= & VILLE $UPPORTER

ROOFCUTTER · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 4:59 pm Post subject:

Q. If JD was an american how many guns would he have?

A. only the ones that go bangy de bangy bang bang bang.
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Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Guspaz · Registered User Joined: 04 Jun 2003 Posts: 42

LOL, this stuff is great.

I'd love to see that "Talking to Americans" TV show sometime too. I missed it when it was on. Anybody know any networks that show repeats of it?
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Regards, Guspaz.

shockwave · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 10:40 pm Post subject:

This is great. keep it up Paddyjack.
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ProudWhiteTrash · Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2003 1:42 am Post subject:

I'm from Surrey and that aint funny
_________________
All comments are not nessasary those of the author so should not be taken as so.
Several chemical imbalances and mental health diseases may also exist.
Chances are if you feel flamed or attacked that I simply forgot to take my medication.

Guspaz · Registered User Joined: 04 Jun 2003 Posts: 42

I'm from Montreal and it IS funny. VERY funny.
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Regards, Guspaz.

John Doe · Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2003 9:29 am Post subject: