Sosa(The Real Deal)

SpeCies · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 11:20 am Post subject: Sosa(The Real Deal)

CHICAGO - With tears flowing down his cheeks and an inevitable fine and suspension in the works, Cubbies slugger Sammy Sosa did an about-face Thursday, explaining to the media that the corked bat he was using was not meant to either get more home runs or impress fans during practice sessions, but instead was a desperate cry for help.

Skeptical sports officials fully expected some kind of statement professing "an innocent mistake" followed by some kind of public contrition, but Sosa's attempt at damage control surprised everyone with his current admission that he wanted to be caught with the corked bat to direct attention to his many problems, including alcoholism, drug addiction, manic depression and bulimia.

Before Sosa broke down with emotion and was whisked away by lawyers, he explained that he would often hide corks from cheap wine bottles deep within his bat so his teammates and family wouldn't know his big secret, but that he "had no idea that it might make the ball travel farther."

"Sammy Sosa love baseball," Sosa said. "Sammy love Cubs and fans and God, but Sammy not love Sammy so much. Sammy is a big wino."

A piece of cork was found just above the handle in Sosa's bat Tuesday night when it shattered after he grounded out in the first inning of the Chicago Cubs' 3-2 victory. Sosa at first said it was a mistake, saying he accidentally pulled out a bat he uses to put on home run displays for fans in batting practice. His story changed dramatically with the arrival of his new team of Dominican lawyers.

"It was just big, funny coincidence, but now I'm really glad it happened," Sosa said. "Sammy loves the fans but Sammy needs help and Sammy knows that Americans always forgive addicts because it's not their fault. I hope Bud Selig will not suspend me but let me go back to the Dominican Republic for treatment for my many problems. I will even my own money pay for the vacation -- I mean the trip to the doctors."

_________________
http://www.nosmacktards.com

Wood · Registered User Joined: 24 Jun 2002 Posts: 190

ugh, these things just keep getting stupider and stupider.

Are you writing them yourself Species?

Have you no self-respect? Stop this crap please...
_________________

SpeCies · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 2:10 pm Post subject:

Umm, What's self-respect have do with contributing content to a website anyway ? If you don't like what I post then you know exactly what you can do now don't you Wood! #Fist

Geez, some people

Kjeldorian Royal Guard 42 · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 2:20 pm Post subject:

The Nanite · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 2:21 pm Post subject:

Heh, I read it and assumed that Species had copied it from another site.

_________________

Kazebari · Official Mall Ninja Joined: 28 Apr 2002 Posts: 935

? Wait...did he copy it?

SpeCies · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 3:37 pm Post subject:

Actually NaniteFog, I did copy all three articals from a site called Bob From Accounting It's a humorous site that I find funny

SpeCies · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 3:45 pm Post subject:

Appreciate it KRG. I was looking for the proper word. But when all else fails the universal symbol #Fist

works just as well for me.

FragFailure · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 4:36 pm Post subject:

It's about a Cub so I like it.
_________________
Yes, I'm still around

- PWG member 2001
- TVB founder and leader 2001-2004
- The Ville's Vegas Bashes I-V
- T.V.L. (Ville TFC League)
- The Originator of the Off-Topic Posts

sharkbyte · Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2003 11:53 am Post subject:

(+)ASSASSIN(+) · Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2003 3:58 pm Post subject: