[SpeCies]

Scorpio


You have a Hummer stretch limo with a Jacuzzi in the back. You have a harem of mad bitches. You have a partial bridge of 48-karat incisors. You're the Mack. But is it enough? Sometimes being the only postmodern poseur pimp this side of Flatbush Avenue can be rough, yo. Not having anyone who appreciates your thesis on Cornell West and Jacques Derrida leaves you feeling lonely and misunderstood. Of course, that's when the bowls of blow and underage Thai boys come in handy. <Note Everything but the underage Thai boys>

Create yours Here
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http://www.nosmacktards.com

[Blue Ruler]

[Violent Pacifist]

Capricorn

You've made such a wreck of your life recently that the Fates have decided to step in and make sure you don't care for any other living creature. This will explain why when you went to the ASPCA to eyeball a potential love-sponge, you left empty-handed instead. Sometimes the Fates are cruel, and other times wise. You want love? Snuggle the want ads and get a job. Say goodbye to unemployment checks and maybe… just maybe… there's a slimy little goldfish in your stars.
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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

[sgt stutter]

Last week you stepped into oncoming traffic, only to get clipped on the nose by a bike. For most people, this is not an average occurrence. But for you, Gemini, accidents happen - and they happen a lot. The explanation for this isn't exactly cosmic though; the truth is that God is punishing you for your perverted, hedonistic lifestyle, and so you're doomed to suffer a lifetime of freakish accidents. This Friday, a sparrow will shit on your battered nose and infect the wound. Antibiotics won't help.
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click--><eVa>SuperGreg

R.I.P Trigger Happy

[Darkath]

Your lifelong lack of energy and enthusiasm is catching up with you. You sit on your ass every day playing solitaire and downloading Olsen Twins mp3's. And to make matters worse, all your childhood pranks are recreated on MTV by one Mr. Johnny Knoxville and his team of derelicts. Just think! Instead of data entry, you could be famous for blowing up mailboxes with common pool-chemicals. But you didn't think of it first - so it's back to Xeroxing your zitty face when no one is looking.
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^^^ Clicky

[_-=Did It Hurt=-_]

Leo
(july 23 - august 22)

Worrying about death will only bring on those premature wrinkles, so stop obsessing about the approaching big birthday. We're all potential worm-buffets and you're no exception, noble Leo. So suck it up and put your foot down! Fight those wrinkles by living life like you're a god. A cow-god, specifically. That's right - slather that disgusting geriatric mug of yours with Bag Balm. You'll be smooth as a nubile heifer's udder in no time.

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Cool Sig by KRG. Thx

The Proud, the Few, US-V or The Ville Supporters (V$)!!

[Gamepro65]

Taurus (april 20 - may 20)

You've been depressed by the complete cultural bankruptcy of American popular culture. Pop and Nookie are hardly true anthems of youth. There is no Kurt Cobain or Bob Mould to express your angst in verse, and help you understand you're not alone. In fact, your generation has no subculture whatsoever, or at least none that I'm aware of, because I'm old before my time, and most likely, hopelessly out of touch. I'm going to eat a whole bucket of KFC now, OK?

WTF WAT A WHORE! LOL who wants KFC chickin rite now lol what a doushe
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[Mongoose_Slayer]

[Secret Agent Man]

(january 20 - february 1

It has taken you ten years to get over that note Jason sent you in 7th grade. It's not that he didn't like you, it's just that he didn't like like you. Unfortunately for you, he did like like Colleen, who was always eating Cheetos. But revenge was sweet, as the orange dye in Colleen's favorite snacky-delight stained her braces and big horsy choppers for years to come. Later, she grew up to look like a collie - and now she and Jason live on welfare in Rock Island, Illinois.
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if you think thats a soldier behind you? think
agian, or my knife will be in your back.


aa, oshiete sensei-san

[sharkbyte]

[cobra]

[Usually Dead]

The possibility of romance will hit an all-time high for you around the fourteenth - Flag Day. Venus will move from the epic ring of fire in the sky to the epic ring in your pants. Look for a tall, dark stranger who's eager to show you a whirlwind of bliss, then follow him to your destiny. Of course, such bliss comes with strings attached - and while being hacked to pieces with a meat cleaver may seem like a heavy price to pay, just remember, you'll never be this happy again.

What do you mean HIM?????? Do all Cancers have to be WOMEN or GAY MEN??? What if you're a Cancer and a STRAIGHT MAN, HUH? WHAT THEN?
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[DJ George]

[GellyRoll]