[sharkbyte]

Ok. Everyone's heard little sayings, whether from your parents/family or just being around other people. Here's your chance to share them...

1. Be careful, your face may freeze like that.
2. Don't eat yellow snow.
3. Don't smoke in bed.
4. If you had a brain you'ld be dangerous.
5. You'ld forget your head if it wasn't attached.
6. It's colder than a witch's t*t.
7. To err is human; to forgive is divine.
_________________

[The Nanite]

Careful boy or I'll knock the black off you
_________________

[Kazebari]

Men don't cry.

[osiris]

The ultimate in computer security is
when the user cannot use the
computer anymore.
--
One definition of insanity is doing
the same thing over and over again
expecting different results.
--
You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?
--
How come there's only one
Monopolies Commission?
--
It's a widely accepted fact that
if your parents didn't have any
children, you won't either.
--
When your opponent is down,
kick him.
--
One seventh of our lives is spent
on Mondays.
--
Many trees could be saved if the
government stopped printing
tax forms.
--
Save your money - someday it may be
worth something.
--
Experience varies directly with
equipment ruined.
--
Good, fast, cheap: choose any two.
--
Eventually, primitive life develops,
and then shopping malls.
--
Prediction is very difficult,
especially about the future.
--
You can't make a baby in a month
by getting nine women pregnant.
--
"We should make things as simple
as possible, but not simpler."
(Albert Einstein)
--
Discoveries are often made
by not following instructions.
--
A good executive is a person
who will share the credit with
the person who did all the work.
--
It's so simple to be wise. Just
think of something stupid to say
and say the opposite.
--
If you tell the truth you don't
have to remember anything.
--
It is better to keep your mouth shut
and appear stupid than to open it
and remove all doubt.
--
There is always free cheese
in a mousetrap.
--
A hen is only an egg's way
of making more eggs.
--
One of the oldest human needs is
having someone wonder where you are
when you don't come home at night.
--
The supreme irony of life is hardly
anyone ever gets out of it alive.
--
A man who carries a cat by the tail
learns something he can't learn
in no other way.
--
There are two rules for success:
1) Never tell everything you know.
--
Eat healthy, exercise,
and die anyway.
--
Never wrestle a pig. You both
get dirty and the pig likes it.
--
No amount of advance planning
will ever replace dumb luck.
--
Anything you do can get you fired;
this includes doing nothing.
--
While money doesn't buy love,
it puts you in a great
bargaining position.
--
Economics is extremely useful as a
form of employment for economists.
--
It is better to have a permanent
income than to be fascinating.
--
No one will ever win the battle
of the sexes; there's too much
fraternizing with the enemy.
--
We are not retreating, we are
advancing in another direction.
--
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
--
Always keep a record of data.
It indicates you've been working.
--
Experiments should be reproducible.
They should all fail in the same way.
--
Nothing motivates a man more
than to see his boss putting in
an honest day's work.
--
It has yet to be proven that
intelligence has any survival value.
--
If you have to travel on a Titanic,
why not go first class?
--
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
--
He who always finds fault with
his friends has faulty friends.
--
Money is the root of all evil
and man needs roots.
--
I cut it off again
and it's still too short.
--
It takes one woman nine months to
have a baby, no matter how many
men you put on the job.
--
When everything else fails,
read the instructions.
--
Never, ever, fly on the airline
of the country from which you are
departing.
--
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can avoid all together.
--
Frequent naps will keep you from
getting old, especially when taken
while driving.
--
Virginity can be cured.
--
Don't ever ask a barber
whether you need a haircut.
--
You must rest during the day
so you can sleep at night.
--
The person who snores the loudest
will fall asleep first.
--
One should always play fair
when he has the winning cards.
--
You can't depend on anyone
to be wrong all the time.
--
Always remember that you are
absolutely unique. Just like
everyone else.
--
Einstein's theory is
relatively simple.
--
The intensity of movie publicity
is in inverse ratio to the quality
of the movie.
--
Those who are against the freedom
of speech must be silenced!
--
It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.
--
In order to get a loan, you must
first prove you don't need it.
--
The beauty of most women is
inversely proportional to the
distance of the observer.
--
If you are wearing one brown shoe
and one black shoe, you probably have
a pair like it somewhere in the closet.
--
Don't be superstitious;
it brings bad luck.
--
Good decisions come from experience;
experience comes from bad decisions.
--
An optimist is a guy that
has never had much experience.
--
Luck is the chief factor behind
the other fellow's success.
--
You can fool some of the people all
of the time and all of the people some
of the time, and that's sufficient.
--
Crime wouldn't pay
if the government ran it.
--
Support the right to arm bears.
--
The world is full of apathy,
but I don't care.
--
Complex problems have simple,
easy to understand, wrong answers.
--
Join the Army: Visit exotic
places, meet interesting people
and then kill them.
--
Never judge a book by its movie.
--
Never get into fights with ugly
people. They have nothing to lose.
--
The weather is here.
Wish you were beautiful.
--
The surest sign that intelligent
life exists elsewhere in the
universe is that none of it has
tried to contact us.
--
The secret of managing is to keep
the guys who hate you away from the
guys who are undecided.
--
All things are possible except
skiing through a revolving door.
--
If God had meant for us to travel
tourist class, He would have made
us narrower.
--
If your cow doesn't give milk,
sell him.
--
Even paranoids have enemies.
--
Neighbors never sleep.
--
If you tell the truth once,
they will never believe you again,
no matter how much you lie.
--
Never step in anything soft.
--
To find a policeman in a hurry,
double-park.
--
No wonder the country is in a mess;
half the people are below median
intelligence.
--
If everything seems to be coming
your way, you're probably in the
wrong lane.
--
After an instrument has been fully
assembled and working, extra
components will be found on the
bench.
--
Attila The Hun's Maxim: If you're
going to rape, pillage and burn,
be sure to do things in that order.
--
Smith & Wesson... the original
Point-N-Click interface.
--
Just remember: when you go to court,
you are trusting your fate to twelve
people that weren't smart enough
to get out of jury duty!
--
Never raise your hands to your kids.
It leaves your groin unprotected.
--
Diplomacy is the art of saying
"Nice doggie" until you can find
a rock.
--
On a tombstone:
"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
--
The only thing that stops God
from sending another flood is
that the first one was useless.
--
Children in the front seat cause
accidents, accidents in the back
seat cause children.
--
It doesn't matter if you win or
lose, until you lose.
--
Be nice to people until you have
made your first million bucks.
After that people will be nice to
you.
--
The best way to inspire fresh
thoughts is to seal the letter.
--
When somebody drops something,
everyone will kick it around
instead of picking it up.
--
The worst or stupidest ideas
are always the most popular.
--
Anything dropped while working
on a car will roll underneath
to the exact center.
--
Beer is proof that God loves us and
wants us to be happy.
--
If your attack is going really well,
it's probably an ambush.
--
If you want your spouse to listen
and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
--
Never make anything simple and
efficient when a way can be found
to make it complex and wonderful.
--
Life is a sexually transmitted
disease, and it's 100% fatal.
--
The common cold, if left untreated,
lasts about two weeks. If treated
with medication and rest, it lasts
about fourteen days.
--
A neighbor will stand at your door
talking for 20 minutes because
she doesn't have time to come in.
--
Shopping is cheaper than
a psychiatrist.
--
Women who seek to be equal to men
lack ambition.
--
It doesn't make any difference how
much money you make, your wife
can spend it all.
--
To be old and wise, you first must
be young and stupid.
--
If it's stupid, but it works,
it's not stupid.
--
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
--
Who's General Failure and
why's he reading my disk?
--
Error: Keyboard not attached.
Press F1 to continue.
--
Sometimes just a few hours of
trial and error debugging can
save minutes of reading manuals.
--
Appear weak when you are strong,
and strong when you are weak.
--
All animals except man know that
the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.
--
Burn not your house
to fright away the mice.
--
The only way to win money out of
a casino is to own one.
--
Opportunities are never lost;
someone will take the one you miss.
--
I am not a vegetarian because
I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
--
Computers make very fast,
very accurate mistakes.
--
Time you enjoy wasting
was not wasted.
--
Never let a machine know
you're in a hurry.
--
Dog for sale: eats anything
and is fond of children.
--
Illiterate?
Write for free help!
--
If you think you are too small to
make a difference, try sleeping in
a closed room with a mosquito.
--
Men and nations will act rationally
when all other possibilities have
been exhausted.
--
Never do anything for the first time.
--
Hot tube looks exactly
like the cold tube.
--
Artificial Intelligence is no match
for Natural Stupidity.
--
If a million people believe a foolish
thing, it is still a foolish thing.
--
Diet rule #1:
Never eat more than you can lift.
--
Fiction has to be believable,
but in reality, anything can happen.
--
Help a man when he is in trouble
and he will remember you when
he is in trouble again.
--
Consciousness: That annoying time
between naps.
--
Lead me not into temptation,
I can find it myself.
--
Good girls go to heaven,
bad girls go everywhere.
--
Man who sneezes without tissues
takes matters into his own hands.
--
I'm the man of this house
and I have my wife's permission
to say so.
--
We Are Micro$oft.
Resistance Is Futile.
--
Alcohol is our worst enemy! Only
cowards run away from the enemy.
--
Never stand between
a fire hydrant and a dog.
--
Having a smoking section in
a restaurant is like having
a peeing section in a pool.
--
If you want people to know
where you stand, wear the same
socks for two weeks.
--
Banging your head against a wall
uses 150 calories an hour.
--
Sticker on a car:
No radio. Already stolen.
--
Why is the man who invests all
your money called a broker?
--
If your wife wants to learn how
to drive, don't stand in her way.
--
Don't drink and drive,
you might spill some.
--
The more you complain,
the longer God lets you live.
--
The length of a marriage is
inversely proportional to the
amount spent on the wedding.
--
I can resist everything
except temptation.
--
Out of my mind...
be back in five minutes.
--
Early to rise, early to bed,
makes a man healthy but
socially dead.
--
Cinderella married for money.
--
It is silly for a woman to go to
a male gynecologist. It is like
going to an auto mechanic who has
never owned his own car.
--
Breathing may be hazardous
for your health.
--
A man is not truly drunk
until he can't lie on the floor
without holding on.
--
If you think nobody cares
if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.
--
Never argue with a women
when she's tired. Or rested.
--
Never test the depth of
the water with both feet.
--
Sex is like air; it's not
important unless you aren't
getting any.
--
A man is not complete until
he is married.
Then he is finished.
--
Before you criticize someone,
walk a mile in their shoes.
That way you're a mile away,
and you have their shoes too.
--
A man can be happy with any woman
so long as he doesn't love her.
--
Teamwork is essential.
It allows you to blame someone else.
--
Rule for precision:
Measure with a micrometer,
mark with chalk,
cut with an axe.
--
In order for something to come clean,
something else must get dirty.
--
I took an IQ test and
the results were negative.
--
An expert is anyone from out of town.
--
You can always find
what you're not looking for.
--
Whenever you cut your fingernails,
you will need them an hour later.
--
In an organization there is always
one person who knows what is going
on. This person must get fired.
--
Confidence is the feeling you
sometimes have before you fully
understand the situation.
--
Love your neighbor, but be sure
her husband is away.
--
Be kind to your children;
They choose your nursing home.

[osiris]

WOW that was pretty long eh?!

[JuVaNiLe]

no offense Osiris but do u have a life

[kamikaze]

even a blind hog will find an acorn every once in a while.

dont play with it so much, you'll go blind

i brought you into this world and i can take you out

it's raining harder than a cow pissin on a flat rock


and my least favorite from my family down here
"there ain't no replacement for displacement."
_________________


i told you i was hardcore.

[My Personal Insanity]

[Usually Dead]

[My Personal Insanity]

[DJ George]

[cobra]

[osiris]

OMG im blind i cant see!

[cobra]