5 Toughest Questions Women Ask

`RaphX · Registered User Joined: 24 Mar 2002 Posts: 1556

The 5 toughest questions women ask - and their answers

The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not
answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of
course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting
on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful
woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what
the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of
five things:
a - Baseball
b - Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid
question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it
by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking
instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many
wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is,
"Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you
may answer, "Yes, dear. Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to
confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then
quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your
insurance policy.

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question
could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard
thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you
just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much
prettier." Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your
insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love,
in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have
meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front
tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This
might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the
following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why
do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No,
of couse not, dear" said the husband. "Don't
you like being married?" said the wife. "Of
course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long
pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my
old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the
pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose
you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."

cobra · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 7:08 am Post subject:

_________________
PROUD TO BE A MEMBER OF =US-V= & VILLE $UPPORTER

_-=Did It Hurt=-_ · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 8:20 am Post subject:

lol
_________________

Cool Sig by KRG. Thx

The Proud, the Few, US-V or The Ville Supporters (V$)!!

The Nanite · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 8:21 am Post subject:

Gonna be a cold night on the couch again...

**Note to self**

Stop sending these things to your girlfriend
_________________

Replica · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 10:13 am Post subject:

is this an appendix to "the code"

seciton 2.b of "the code" elaborate conversation...
_________________

PondScm007 · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 1:33 pm Post subject:

rofl al bundy is the man
_________________
my pic host-age died!

BR, yo

Fred Astaire · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 1:49 pm Post subject:

lol those were funny, and very informative.
_________________

for Blue

JtH · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 2:00 pm Post subject:

hahah. ive given ninety percent of those bad answers.

lol
_________________

5th GHG E.G. Mine · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 3:15 pm Post subject:

FragFailure · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 3:36 pm Post subject:

The truth hurts...women are so insecure at times.
_________________
Yes, I'm still around

- PWG member 2001
- TVB founder and leader 2001-2004
- The Ville's Vegas Bashes I-V
- T.V.L. (Ville TFC League)
- The Originator of the Off-Topic Posts

_-=Did It Hurt=-_ · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 5:26 pm Post subject:

[quote="FragFailure"]The truth hurts...[quote]

Did you say hurt ?????

It will Hurt...... You will Hurt ...
muhahaha

j/k
_________________

Cool Sig by KRG. Thx

The Proud, the Few, US-V or The Ville Supporters (V$)!!

Stevo · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 5:34 pm Post subject:

The joke at the end was posted before, but the rest is good

_________________

The Official TVR Website
Fopp
Song of the Week

Bright Red Nipples · Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 8:55 pm Post subject:

1: I'm spacing out
2: Of course
3: maybe
4: maybe
5: Bury you
_________________

God Bless You Blue Ruler

sgt stutter · Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2003 1:43 pm Post subject:

Talking about women, here ya go.

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
_________________

click--><eVa>SuperGreg

R.I.P Trigger Happy

Stevo · Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2003 6:31 pm Post subject:

_________________

The Official TVR Website
Fopp
Song of the Week