[SpeCies]

Funny #1:
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem
with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell
and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times
since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, take these
pills and come back to see me next week. The next week the lady goes back to
his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my
farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" The doctor says, "Good, Now
that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
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Funny #2:
A Texan, a Yankee and a Mexican are in a bar one night having a beer. The
Yankee drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a
gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Up north our glasses are so
cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Mexican
[obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the
air, pulls out his knife and whacks the glass to pieces. He says "In
Meheeco, we have so mush sand to make the glasses that we don need to
drink out of the same glass twice neither." The Texan, cool as a cucumber,
picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun
and shoots the Yankee and the Mexican. He says "In Texas we have so
many Yankees and Mexicans that we don't need to drink with the same
ones twice."
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Funny #3:
Seventy year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came
back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great
physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace
with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light
goes off when I'm done." "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"A
little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said,
"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm
in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the
night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light
goes off? "Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"
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http://www.nosmacktards.com

[GoldenSpy]

Thanks for the jokes Species.

[Fred Astaire]

lol here is one

Two guys were sitting in a bar in Dublin when one turned to the other and said: "You see that chap over there? Don't you think he looks just like me?" The man went over to his doppelganger and said: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you're a dead ringer for me." "You're right, I do look like you." "Where are you from?" "Dublin." "Me too." "Which street?" "Kilfoyle Road." "Kilfoyle Road? That's incredible. That's my road too. What number?" "76." "76. I don't believe it. Me too. What are your parents' names?" "Joe and Kitty." "Joe and Kitty. Unbelievable. So are mine." Just then, the bartenders changed shifts. "Anything happened?" said the new bartender. "Nothing much," said the old one. "Oh, except the Murphy twins are drunk again."
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for Blue