[Linktodeath]

The Top 16 Signs Your Grandmother Is Dealing Drugs

16> Clears kids off the lawn with an AK-47.

15> When she offers you a home-baked cookie, she says, "Go ahead, honey -- the first one's free."

14> Not only is that cozy she's knitting shaped like a bong, it's black-light orange.

13> When she says "d-bag," she ain't talkin' feminine hygiene.

12> Frequently takes afternoon tea with Darryl Strawberry and Robert Downey, Jr.

11> She roughs up the pharmacist, snarling that her Metamucil was "stepped on."

10> "My, what a lot of rolling papers you have, Grandma!" Yes, my dear, the better to -- hey, wait a minute... are you a narc?"

9> Threatens to pop a cap in your ass if you don't finish your vegetables.

8> Every teaspoon in her precious antique collection has scorch marks on the bottom.

7> Spends her days hangin' on the corner by the pay phone, sippin' on a 40 of Ensure.

6> Most grandmothers drive with their turn signals on, but not in a lime-green Lincoln Navigator with tinted windows, 24-karat gold trim and slammin' subwoofers.

5> Constantly complains about her health -- still no glaucoma, dammit!

4> Nana's got some serious bling-bling goin' on with those solid gold MedicAlert bracelets.

3> She pulls a gun on you whenever you reach for the cookie jar.

2> Last time she made brownies, you woke up three days later in the baboon enclosure at the San Diego Zoo.

And the Number 1 Sign Your Grandmother Is Dealing Drugs...

1> The local cops are arresting everyone with lipstick on their cheeks.
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<---- LinktoDeath-TPF-VS-

[OS]

Hahahahha!

Here's mine ( it's a bit lame, but ah well ) :





A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[Bright Red Nipples]

Lame?? That was damn funny if you ask me, tee hee hee.
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God Bless You Blue Ruler

[cobra]

GOOD ONE
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