A dedication to my sister.

`RaphX · Registered User Joined: 24 Mar 2002 Posts: 1556

On this day last year, Nicola, my sister, died aged just 15. It turned out that she had been getting bullied senseless at school, for being a Goth, and eventually decided she could take no more, so took her own life.
Those have to be he worst moments in my life, from the moment my mum and I found my sister in her bed the day before she was declared dead, and onwards from there.
A year may seem like a long time to "get over it", but I don''t know whether I will ever be able to do so - my mum certainly won't, and it hurts just as badly. Of course, we are able to cope with it these days, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant.

However, I'm sure my sister is now in better place, looking down on us to ensure we are alright. I will get to see her one day, but until then, I can only get on with things and wonder why things had to work out in this way.
Best wishes to my sister, Nicola, wherever you are.

Goldom · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 8:33 am Post subject:

that's too bad, I understand what that's like.. (erm, not personally, but, anyway, that's beside the point).

hoaxie · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 9:04 am Post subject:

RaphX,

How wonderful that you feel comfortable enough here to have shared something so painful with us. I know your loss must have been tremendous. I have never lost a sibling but I have lost people dear to me and it is never easy. And as for your mother, I can not even imagine what she has gone through. Being a mother myself, I can think of no greater loss than that of one of my children.

I hope that you find comfort in one another through all of your times of need. And remember, you always have us. God bless you, your family, and your sister.
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LONG LIVE THE 'VILLE!

three_gunn · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 9:52 am Post subject:

*bows head in a moment of silence for Nicola*

my condolences RaphX...losing someone close, especially from your immediate family, is a horrendous experience to have to go through.(i lost my father when i was eighteen). there isnt a set time for you and your family to 'get over it'...it does take a long time. may God bless you and your family and may He give your family the strength needed, not to forget, but to carry on and remain strong.

(edit: had to spell out eighteen because my other way showed an icon.)

LittleHelper · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 11:02 am Post subject:

Raph x (backround Music: Taps) remember the good time u had with her. I had a cat once for 10 years then it died last week. it hurt it hurt reallll bad. So its gunna take a while may god be with u.
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As I walk through the alley where I see my brothers are in pain, I look at the sky and scream the lords name in vain. If we finish all our chores and u finish thine then we r gunna party like its 16-99

bobins · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 12:14 pm Post subject:

anthrex · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 12:16 pm Post subject:

i love u man

`RaphX · Registered User Joined: 24 Mar 2002 Posts: 1556

Thanks guys, it's good to see that you have a sympathetic ear. We've had loads of people in and out of the house today, mostly my sister's Goth friends (that make it seem like a Hallowe'en party

), and relatives and close friends. Everyone has been really good, and the flowers that have been sent to us/left at Nicola's grave are very lovely.
I'm sure when the house is eventually empty, we can have a quiet moment to ourselves for some reflection etc.

Hey LittleHelper, I also lost my cat in April - 12 years old she was

I had to take her, in the middle of the night, to be put down at the emergency vet, as she was in obvious pain - the x-rays showed she was full of tumours, plus one of her kidneys had stopped working. It wasn't very nice hearing her squeal as she was being looked at in the other room. But at least the poor animal died peacefully - an injection, and 5 seconds later she was gone. She's now buried in the garden outside the front door

Ktulu · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 2:01 pm Post subject:

RalphX my heart goes out to you, your sister and your entire family. There is nothing more painfull than losing someone you love, I myself have felt this too many times in my life and so will many of you. There are many things to help with this great sadness and RalphX has discovered the most important one.... talking about it, you have to get it out or it will never go away. RalphX I'm so very happy for you that you have felt comfortable enough with us to share this, this is trully what The Ville is about.
Other things I have learned... time is the only true long term healer, you know when you are at peace with a passing because all you can remember are the good times and when you think about that person you can't help but smile instead of crying.
Friends are very important too, they give you hope and let you know that you are not alone.
We are your friends RalphX and if you ever need someone just to talk to who has alot of experience with this you are welcome to PM me whenever you like althought I must admit after reading your second post in this thread I could tell that you are at peace with this.
Thanks again for sharing this with us.

TargetDummy · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 2:05 pm Post subject:

Here's to smiling at the happy memories

Nicely put Ktulu.

5th GHG E.G. Mine · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 2:38 pm Post subject:

A real death is always a sad thing. A virtual death is just another TFC day. My condolences.

Oh, yeah. To people who make fun of others to get their kicks, #Fist

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anthrex · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 3:04 pm Post subject:

oh yeah
if any1 thinks im kiddin im sry to u. i really feel ur pain man

DaKon · Ville Supporter Joined: 19 Feb 2002 Posts: 2342

God bless and God's strength.
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`RaphX · Registered User Joined: 24 Mar 2002 Posts: 1556

No offence taken, anthrex

Thanks Ktulu, it's always a comfort to read that people genuinely care about others in this sort of way. And yes, I always realise the importance of being able to talk about matters that concern you, however trivial they may seem - It's amazing the number of people I have known and built bridges with, in a similar position to myself, but for a longer time. A lot of them have, several years or even decades after their bereavement, have gone to seek help as a result of bottling everything up and eventually going crazy with it.
As bad as this may sound, the fact that my sister had the guts to do what she did, combined with the publicity it generated over here, actually caused a big increase in the number suicides in the country. An awful lot of people out there must have felt the same way, but not until my sister did this that the rest of them had the courage to do the same thing

Anyway, it's 12:30am, everyone is finally away, be it on foot or through my free taxi-service

, and my mum is outcold in her bed, ready to have a massive hangover in the morning

It's been the non-stop sort of evening you get where peaks and troughs are put together, laughter combined with sadness.
Now, I just want to blame everyone here at The Ville by giving them a double-dose of spam #Fist

Thanks again, everyone

Bright Red Nipples · Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2002 5:37 pm Post subject:

My deepest and sincere condolences to you and your family RalphX. I still grieve anytime I think of my fathers passing, 4 years ago. To lose a family member is never easy but like Ktulu said, "time is the only true long term healer". To read threads like these makes me thankful to have this community.

P.S. What exactly is a goth?? I've never heard this term before.

P.S.S. Hate is the root of all evil. Something to think about

.
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God Bless You Blue Ruler