[Bada Bing]

A friend sent this to me today.
DISCLAIMER
Not being from the South (unless you consider Hawaii the south as it is the southern most state in the USA) I cannot vouch to the validity of these statements. They are presented solely for your entertainment and do not represent the views or beliefs of this poster.

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2 Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3 Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4 Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5 All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6 All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7 Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8 Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9 Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15. True Southernersnever refer to one person as "y'all."

16. True Southernersknow grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20. True Southernerknows that if you are with a couple of friends, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

21. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
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Are you threatening me ???

[Rebel_Rouser]

I like those, being a southerner myslef
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Longest Running Show in Broadway History 1/9/06

[Hamese]

I thought everyone knew all that. You have to pitch a fit... not have one.

Aslo, I dont eat grits and I like my tea unsweatened, but I have friends and family members that put atleast 6+ packets of sugar in a glass of tea

Freash homemade Banana Pudding is yummy with vanilla waffers....

And if you think we are all nuts for knowing all of this, then "Bless yer little hearts".
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[Bright Red Nipples]

[KAMIKAZE MadMax]

Being an exported southerner bringing the southern hospitality to the north I gladly agree with these! Did someone say Banana Pudding? With Vanilla Wafers?! mmmmmmmmmmmmmm ::starts drooling at the thought:: Us Southern folks ROCK!!!! WE have the best food, the best people, and definately the best drinks!!!
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[Chen Kenichi]

I've lived in Texas my entire life, but according to those, I am certainly not a true southerner.
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[KopiKat]

[Violent Pacifist]

I can only agree with a few of those. A lot of them can be explained with commen sense though

Down the road simply means that the road doesn't curve. Distance is irrelevant.
We don't refer to one person as y'all because it's a contraction for you all.
I've never heard someone say, "Be back directly," but I could assume it would mean they're not going to do anything else on the way there or back.
I never use the term myself, but yonder can be interpretted as around, behind, slightly past, or in the direction the person is pointing in (going yonder).
You pitch, throw, or threw a fit. It's impossible to have a fit

And yes, we most certainly do yell at the old tard nuts on the road
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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.