More Christmas bits to make you smile

John Doe · Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2001 8:06 pm Post subject:

What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.

ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games
in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was
standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and
saw something happening. He says to his wife,"Look honey. Its raining." She,
being the obstinate type, responded,"I don't think so, dear. I think its
snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife,"Let's step
outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover
it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it
was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and
Santa Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors
opened they all noticed a $100 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it
up??
Santa of course, the other two don't exist!

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said,"No L!"

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied
the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you
doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

[ This Message was edited by: JohnDoe on 2001-12-19 20:07 ]

thewz · Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2001 9:04 pm Post subject:

you said Why does santa have 3 gardens so he can ho ho ho 2 times. Hehe funny shit man

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KillerRoofcutter · Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2001 9:47 pm Post subject:

HeHe, That is some funny stuff there! That one "What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire" I knew that one for a while but it is still FUNNY! The ones that are like paragraphs those are my favorite!

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