[Vicoden]

This past week has to have been the worst in my life....I lost out on a house I was really intrested in buying but worse I lost the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with over a rude comment.

She says it isn't over indefinately but she is having serious doubts that I am the man for her. A rude comment generally wouldn't cause a serious relationship to end but, her real dad before he left gave her lots of verbal and emotional abuse. So when I made a rude comment about her hair (stupid as it sounds) it was the last straw for me.

Now normally I wouldn't really care but, I love this girl more than life itself, there is just something (much more than something) that drives me absolutely crazy about her. We still talk and I got to see her for a couple hours yesterday where I begged and pleaded for another chance. In her mind she thinks that in a couple of months I will forget all of this and say something stupid again. I told her I loved her about a thousand times and that I would try my best never to hurt her again. I don't think I will ever forget this as long as I live, I haven't eaten anything since Thursday I am just not hungry.

I would love some advice on this matter, especially from any of the ladies out there or anyone with any experience in this matter.

But if your just going to flame me and put me down, please keep it to yourself because at this point I just can't take anymore....

[Replica]

before i say anything..

1. ages.
2. how long ahve you been together
3. what did you say exactly/?
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[KopiKat]

Vicoden I know what you are going through, because I am going through a very similar event. I am not exactly sure what to do to help you yet, answer giz's questions and then I may be able to help you. Good luck man, I know for a fact that a broken heart hurts worse than any physical wound. My heart goes out to you bro. If you are in need of some sympathy, or anything like that, just talk to me, cuz I am currently going through the same sorta thing. I haven't eaten much of anything since teusday, and I been loosin wieght and not getting any sleep, it really sux Vicoden, I know it. Ill do the best I can to help you.

-KK
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[Vicoden]

I am 25 she is 20

We've been together for 6 months now, I know that doesn't seem like a long time.

What happened is she has blonde hair and last week she dyed it to a reddish brown, I didn't really care for it and I told her that. She didn't get too mad because she wanted my honest opinion. Now in the days to follow everywhere we went people we knew would comment on it and such or people would ask me what I thought. About 3-4 days into this we were at a restaraunt where a friend of hers waited on us and she asked me what I thought about her hair....keep in mind I found out the day before I had lost that house, so I was in a bad mood. Anyway unfortunatly I responded "I f00ken hate it" ......I know many of you are going at this point but it came out of my mouth and I am sorry and there is nothing I can do about it.

[KopiKat]

Vico I know someone who can help you a great deal, my brother popeye is really good at stuff like this, ill have him reply to this post and see what he can do to help you. First of all though, I won't drill you on your mistake, but right now all I can think that is gonna help is time. Keep with her, be nice to her, and keep talking to her. Just try and keep things like they normally were. I'll have popeye talk to you about this too, he may be able to help better than I.

And here is a poem just to keep your spirits up:

The Optimist

Some believe, Hopes are dashed on the rocks of life.
Others say, how can we endure such strife,
when we do not know the joy of life?
And to them I reply:
The joy of life is winning the right say,
I had hope every day.

And those who ask me, what do you live for when,
your day has come and all is done?
What do you live for then?
This is the answer to them I say,
If I live for that one day of fame,
which no one thought I would attain,
and I seize the moment that makes my name,
and I accomplish the goals that I ordained,
then what I lived for,
was the life that I have gained.

When those who questioned me retire to their beds,
the image of happiness will fill their heads,
because optimism is second nature,
you must only lend it time to mature.
Optimism delights the wisest and the best.
No one can resist it,
not even the greatest pessimist.

-KK
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[Vicoden]

Thanks for your support KK.

It's alittle ackward for me to post something like this to a bunch of people I really don't know that well. But at this point in my life I am desperate.

I want to keep talking to her, but I don't want to drive her away by being annoying....its kind of a thin line. She isn't getting alot of sleep and she too is pondering this issue night and day, which is a good thing. She says she still loves me lets hope thats enough.

[hoaxie]

It is very difficult for a woman, or anyone for that matter, to endure abuse as a child. As an adult, there are certain things that can trigger the way you felt as a child when you were belittled. It is an awful pain that you would never understand unless you lived it.

It is unfortunate that you said what you did. The bad thing is that I am sure she is now experiencing some difficulty with trusting you to take care of the heart she has given you. It is only natural she is holding it at bay now. I am sure it took a great deal for her to trust a man in the first place. Another thing to consider is this... when a woman is in love, the opinion that matters the most to her is the opinion of the man she loves. If she feels that you think less of her at any time for any reason, she will feel as though she has failed. Failure is a tough thing to deal with... especially in the situation of the abused... because you feel like you have been falling short your entire life.

Perhaps you can talk to her with all of this in mind and let her know that you understand why she feels the way she does at this moment. Let her know that there are times when you will not like what she is wearing, or when you will not like her hair, but that those are all surface things and have absolutely nothing to do with how you feel about her. If she truly loves you and is reasonable, this should help. I think what she really needs is to know that no matter what, you love her for who she is.

Then... do not betray her trust in you again.
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LONG LIVE THE 'VILLE!

[FingerDemon]

Vicoden,

Hang in there man. I think we've all been through things at least somewhat like this, at least in terms of how it hurts. But do eat something. I went through a health problem a few years back that made me totally lose my appetite for a while. I found that eating rice was a good way to get some kind of meal. It may be totally bland, but if you don't care about eating, you don't care how bland it is either. And 1 billion+ chinese folks can't be wrong.

I think the other folks posting have really had good things to say. When I have done things that upset women, they seem to first and foremost want to see if I understand what I did and why that hurt them, before they even think of forgiving me. It sounds to me like you have a good handle on that part. Which is really important. Correct me if I am wrong Hoaxie.

I don't have any great answers here, man. But I thought of one suggestion, so I thought I would post. If you want to reach out, but not be pushy, maybe flowers and a nice hand written note would be good. Explain how you feel in the card and have it delivered together with the flowers. That way she can hear what you want to say without you needing to crowd her. And it shows you are willing to actually go to a florist with the card, but respect her space enough to have them delivered.

Also, with flowers, talk to the florist. Ask them what they have that looks good. No carnations (unless she loves them or something). And whatever the cheapest price is for the size thing you are sending, throw some more cash in and ask them to make it nice. $5 or 10 extra bucks and most florists will pull out all the stops and deliver way better than their average.
I'm not a florist or anything, I have just found my wife gets way more pleasure out of me sending them to her than I ever thought possible.

Anyway, if any of this strikes you as wrong for you and her or anything like that. Ignore me and go with your instincts. I hope it is helpful.

<TVB>FingerDemon

[Vicoden]

Wow, thanks alot for all the help, like a said before it is still alittle ackward for me to explain this in an online forum....the ville is a pretty cool place.

Thank you Hoaxie (a.k.a my online mother) for your post, it is appreciative you took the time to write something with thought. That goes for everyone that has responded so far.

She works tonight so I wrote a nice long letter to her that I will leave on her car. I spoke to my real mother about the issue today for about an hour and found out she too had the same experience with her father till he left when she was 12. I include this in my letter and gave her my moms phone number in case she wanted to talk to her. This is the rest of the letter I wrote her if you care to read.

*************************************************************

After speaking with my Mom, I have come to the point where I have to stop beating myself up about this. Its true, I made a couple of mistakes but nothing so serious it can't be forgiven. If you are going to try your whole life to find that guy who will never let you down.....Good Luck. Everyone has bad days and everyone makes mistakes or says something they shouldn't. You need to find it in yourself to forgive them and get on with your life. I know now that this isn't all my fault, alot of it has to do with your past and the deep wounds you have from it. It doesn't take much for those wounds to bleed again and for you to lose your trust for someone. I am sorry, but I am not perfect enough to live under such an emotional microscope. This hasn't been the first time I said something stupid and it for sure won't be the last. I can't keep blaming myself for the whole thing ( I need to eat).

I am not afraid to say I am a good guy. I'm levelheaded, hardworking, responsible, honest and above all loyal. I am not one of those guys that drinks and does drugs with no job who lies all the time. Yeah, I make mistakes, but I told you that I love you and that I am sorry. There is nothing else I can do, the rest is up to you.

I have said and done all I can with this issue. So I am going to give you some space and leave the rest up to you. You know I love you with all my heart and want nothing more than to continue our relationship for a long time. But i need to put this behind me, and so do you. I physically and emotionally can't take anymore. I pray you find it in you to forgive me and if you can't, thanks for the best 6 months of my life.

Don't be afraid to call me or my mom. I still want to talk with you, just figured I would give you some space.

Love Always,
Eric
&
Sierra (my cat)

[hoaxie]

Oh my, Vicoden, that brought tears to my eyes. The most important thing is that is from the heart... it is so obvious. I wish you luck with this whole situation. I hope she can find it in her heart to forgive you.

Good luck!
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LONG LIVE THE 'VILLE!

[KopiKat]

Im glad to see that things are gonna work out. I too am solving things ith that girl that I am having problems with, and it will work out soon. Anyhow, im very glad to see that you wrote that letter, it did come from the heart, and if she refuses that, then she is not worth it. Good luck friend, I am praying for you.

-KK
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[5th GHG E.G. Mine]

I just saw this topic, but everything I wanted to say has been said. Good luck and I hope everything goes well. BTW, there's nothing wrong with asking for help from those you trust, even if it's online. Just hope your trust isn't in vain.

[Bright Red Nipples]

I just came across this myself (got home from work). My heart goes out to ya Vic.

Most of what I would have to say has also been said. I am fortunate to have found a great woman and have kept her happy for about 8 years now.

I have gone through situations like yours. All I can say is hang in there.
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God Bless You Blue Ruler

[Vicoden]

Thanks for your support Mine & BRN, I appreciate it. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye BRN so it shows alot of character on your side to have my back bro....

Anyway its 12:20 a.m here and I just got off the phone with her. She called when she got home after she wrote a note to me, which she read over the phone.

What she wrote completely took me off guard and completely crushed me. She took the letter I wrote her and verbaly tore it apart piece by piece. I guess she took it the wrong way and in some way thought I was blaming her for her past screwing up out relationship. Rereading my letter I can kinda see why she felt that way, although it was not my intention. I guess the problem is I tried linking her past to the present and she clearly pointed out to me that the past is the past and she is over what her father put her through, and it is in no way linked to our relationship.(guess mom was wrong) She went on to say that it was a respect issue and tried to belittle the strong feelings we've had for each other the past several months.

When she was done reading this letter I was pretty much left speechless but like any man fighting for a woman....not for long. I fought back saying I was not trying to know everything she felt in the past. I know I wasn't there, and I wasn't trying to say what her dad did and what I did were related in anyway. I told her I was just trying to understand better and was trying a different approach to the situation after advice from my Mom. 30 minuets later she is still crying as I try now not only to make up for the orginal reason she is mad but also the letter I wrote her that somehow backfired. Lots of other guys would have probably given up at this point, but I was determined and driven by my love for her. Little by little by some act of God I started to win her back. At this point my head is still spinning and I am not quite sure what I said or how I said it but whatever it was has worked better than anything else I've tried lately. I thought for sure after she read her letter to me it was over for good, but somehow we actually took a step forward. She even agreed to go out to dinner with me tomorrow.

I know alot of you could care less about my love life and problems I am having right now. Please believe me, I am NOT looking for sympathy or attention. I simply post all of this for one, to get advice (100's of heads are better than 1) and secondly just to add alittle bit of my self to the ville. I don't post too much here, you will never see me spam. I guess I just wanted you guys to know alittle about the real person behind the painkiller Vicoden.

P.S. if you ever wondered why that is my name, it has nothing to do with taking the drug....never have. I just like the ring of it, It could be the name of a brand of toliet paper for all I care.

Thanks again guys and gals, keep your fingers crossed, at least it is starting to head in the right direction.


Vicoden

[hoaxie]

Thanks for the update, Vicoden. Let us know what happens tomorrow. Good luck!
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LONG LIVE THE 'VILLE!