[ROOFCUTTER]

A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub. The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks. Police suspect a cereal killer.
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Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[ROOFCUTTER]

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to
the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like! Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the
car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some
reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifte! d the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their
computer!
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Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[Stevo]

[MunkeyEye]

[Kahlan Amnell]

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

[Stevo]

Ouch..
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The Official TVR Website
Fopp
Song of the Week

[Kahlan Amnell]

Old Riddle:

It is a useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long. The functioning of this is enjoyed by members of both sexes. It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, and ready for instant action. It boasts a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other end. In use, it is inserted almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly, and is often accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sounds that result from the well-lubricated movements. When withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from it’s long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to it’s freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax two or three times a day, but often much less.

What am I?????? As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very own………………………………………………………………………


















Toothbrush…. What were you thinking??