[WiseOldJames{ATL}]

A husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. The wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed. "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters."

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old.....and both of you still believe in genies!!"
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[cmon]

So this man who recently went through a nasty divorce is soul searching on the beach and he finds a bottle. He rubs it and out pops a genie.

The genie says "I will grant you three wishes, but.... your ex-wife will get double of what ever you wish for."

The man can't believe it so he quickly wishes for the most expensive car in the world.

(poof).....(poof poof)

The genie grants him his wish and he suddenly realizes that his wife has 2 of the most expensive cars in the world! So he wishes for a billion dollars.

(poof).....(poof poof)

The genie grants him his wish and now he is really ticked off. His wife just got 2 billion dollars!

So the man thinks for a moment and comes up with his third wish....

The man says....."Genie, I wish to be beaten half-to-death."

(poof).....(poof poof)

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Have a knife day!

[bullseye lespaul]

lmao

[crackhead_fred]

Nice jokes!

[Ricen]

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"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived."
- General George S. Patton, Jr

[TofurkeyMan]

rofl, those are some classics guys. good job.
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I wear Canadian_Rifles Skirts