Advice for You

s.Squirrel · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:59 pm Post subject:

Women never forget. They are all archaeologist
And always dig up the past.
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powdermilkman · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 5:24 pm Post subject:

In the end the choice is yours. we can offer suggestions but you have to look deep inside yourself and think what you want.

if you tell her now the truth is out in the open and you pay now but not later. You start the rebuilding earlier and perhaps after some talks and a couple of days of isolation she might forigive you and respect the fact you told her now instead of her finding out later. This is a painful choice telling her now but it will make yourself feel better i bet. Sure it will hurt now but in the long run is what you want not just this momment you want things in the future to be as good as possible if not better than possible...if she finds out from someone else the pain is going to be ten times worse than it is now for her.

Tell her later...well you get the self gratification of living a lie. You get to have all the things like you want for now...maybe a year maybe 10 years but in the end the truth does come out and you cannot build a relationship whether it is friends or romantic on lies...the truth always always always comes back to haunt you when you don't want it to. Say you were going to marry your girlfriend and its the second before you are going to walk down the aisle she believes you are faithful to her through your journy but in your heart and soul you have to feel the pain that you lied to her for all those years. The longer you hold it in the harder it will be for her to possibly forgive you and the more lilkely chance she will not forgive you ever. Also take in consideration this... once again i state what if she doesn't find out from you but from someone else...yeah thats not going to be good.

Like i said it all depends on what you want in the short as compared to what you want in the long term. I have never lied to my girlfriends period...true mine cheated on me but they always told me to my face shortly after it happened. The easy thing is to take the easy way out and just forget it happened but life is not easy life is hard choices are hard this one especially.

Powder

KopiKat · Registered User Joined: 15 May 2002 Posts: 923

Jack this is a very tough situation, and i'm really quite sorry that you have to go through it. I have no advice to give you, as I have never myself had to deal with this type of situation.

However i can offer this: sympathy, and consolation for what ever happens. Life throws you curves, and if there's ever one that gets by you, you can trust that i'll catch it as it crosses the plate.

Just send me an IM or some similar thing if you wanna talk, and I'll be more than happy to oblige.

Good luck, and feel free to message me at any time,

-KK
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Bull · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 5:49 pm Post subject:

powdermilkman · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 5:51 pm Post subject:

the combo's that make a marriage work are the same that make for a healthy relationship...trust and honesty. Cause relationships are just practice for the real thing.

Powder

Stevo · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 6:07 pm Post subject:

All I have to say is this: It is better for you to tell her now than her finding out from someone else.
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vTEC · Server Admin Joined: 15 Aug 2003 Posts: 1495

ROOFCUTTER · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 6:51 pm Post subject:

So one has to think. You did not feel awful enough not to do it. So what makes it so awful now? Guilt? Is that what you want to base the entire rest of your life on with this girl?
If it were love you would not be messing around. Mabye its just time to move on now, your inner mind is telling you something.
Save you both from later unhappiness?

as far as telling anyone, it would depend on who it is. some like it and some dont. so I vote for the bearer of bad news to judge wisely.
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Decay · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:09 pm Post subject:

I really don't know what to do here. If you've invested 15 years w/ someone like Squirrel, I could understand and I would vote not to tell. Not to say you don't care for you girl, but after 4 months there's still that thin line between love and infactuation. I still think it's early enough to tell her.

On the other hand, if you do tell her, that might hurt her. So you can always tell yourself that you're doing her a favor and that you love her so much that you refuse to hurt her.

Just ask yourself, if she was out cheating on your that same night, would you want to know about it?
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KillerRoofcutter · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:17 pm Post subject:

what if she finds out through the fourm? like she just comes on one day and sees u and goes OMG

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JtH · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:20 pm Post subject:

well i believe after having thought about it and spent the day with her i have found the best possible solution for the situation.

I can't tell her, i just can't bring myself to do it. Shes a very insecure person and i dont want her to think that it is her fault. Nothing someone can do deserves that.

On the other hand, i am a very truthful and just person. I dont believe in lying. I try to avoid it at all costs. If you ask me i will tell you the truth and that gets me in to trouble some times. If she were to call me and ask me right now if i cheated on her i would tell her yes. I just cant lie like that.

So staying with her and just avoiding the truth is unacceptable in my eyes. I cant do that to her or myself. She deserves better then that.

I think that the only viable solution on my part is just to break it off with her. I am just gonna tell her that my heart isnt with it anymore and that we should just be friends. Im fine with just being friends with her cause she is honestly a wonderful person that i am glad to have had in my life. That way if she does come to find out, whether by asking me or finding out from someone else, we are not together anymore and she will know that i broke up with her for her benefit.

I just can't look someone in the eye and tell them i care when i have been unfaithful. I am just gonna have to tell her that we are just better off as friends and thats all i can do.

i just hope it is the right thing to do.
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rANCOR hUNTER · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:30 pm Post subject:

It's ok man

*manhug*
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5th GHG E.G. Mine · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:46 pm Post subject:

In your mind, it can't be what you hope is the right thing, it has to be what you feel is the right thing. Such things can come back to haunt you when you don't want them to.

Also, if you say she's a very insecure person, wouldn't breaking up with her cause issues? She may wind up asking what's wrong with her that you didn't like about her anyways, and may begin to ask others why you didn't stay with her. You're causing yourself to go to square zero. If you tell her the truth, you may wind up there still, but you may also wind up just back at square one and can then rebuild what's been broken.
Or you can just hide and hope things blow over, taking a gamble all the while.

Bottom line is, if you're still going to go with the plan of breaking up with her, you should first work on building up her ego and self-esteem so she won't question herself as much as she might if you just suddenly break it off.

/me walks off, going on a rant about what's wrong with relationships today...
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KopiKat · Registered User Joined: 15 May 2002 Posts: 923

Jack that was a very responsible thing to do. You are a good man for doing that, and it's best that you not prolong her suffering. Unfortunately its gonna be a bit bad for a week or two, but I do believe that all will eventually work it self out.

I salute you Jack, you are a caring man, and a good one to boot.

Good luck, best wishes, you know where to find me if you need to talk,

-KK

P.S. Btw u got my 600th post
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