[Bada Bing]

Potatoes & Guns

We've all known people that were able to "work the system" to their own advantage. Here's a story that's just plain cute.
An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato Garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
Shortly, the old man received this telegram,
"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply:
"Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you at this time."


Subject: Dog for Sale

In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog
for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the
backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting
there.
You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty
young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do
some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch
of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling
him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that shit"




As an aging old Jewish mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,
she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door,
she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
>Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter
replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me
alone."
The next day, the girl's aging old Jewish father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the
room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To
his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm
thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll
ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the Jewish mother came home from shopping, placed
the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming
from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed
her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next
to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are
you doing?"
The husband replied, "Vhat...I'm watching the ball game with my
son-in-law!"



A little old lady in a nursing home raises her fist and says.
"Whoever can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight.
A little old man in the back of the room yells, "An elephant!"
She says, "Close enough."



A friend having trouble with my computer. So he called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave him a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, He called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
He didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," He replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So he wrote out ....... I D 1 0 T
_________________

Are you threatening me ???